So, it's been quite an interesting weekend. The party for work ended up being a good time, and I really did enjoy myself and forget my troubles for a little while. It was nice to get out and do a little dancing and drinking and to get a little recognition at work. Sure, there were the times when I saw married couples happily flitting about and I felt a pang or two, and yes, I did think from time to time: "H was suposed to be here with me." "H was going to stay at this hotel with me." "If I was here with H, I would be slow dancing and coming back to this hotel room to order room service and ML."
But, in the end, I did have a very good time. Sure, I broke down and told a few people that we are getting a divorce. One of them, a coworker and former boss, has been making jokes for the past 3 years about my "phantom husband" because H could never make it to these parties with me in the past due to scheduling conflicts with his job. I got so sick of the "were is your phantom husband - does he even exist", that I snapped and told the idiot that we're getting a divorce. It actually felt good.
I know it was probably a bad idea to tell a couple of people as now the news will be all over the company by tomorrow afternoon, but in the end it is happening (so far), so why hide from it.
I actually had a nice day today as well. I went to breakfast with my friend, smoked on the beach for awhile, came home and took a nap, visited my parents, and went to dinner and a movie with a friend. All-in-all, a great day.
I did have some contact with my H today. He sent me a text message at 2:26 today saying, "I'll probably stop by later this evening if it's ok?"
I responded: "Sure. No prob." (As if we haven't already discussed this a 100 times now....)
He responded: "Cool. Thanks."
So, at that point I got up from my nap (was just a touch hung over) and went down to my parent's house to pick up Lola (our dog) as my parents dog-sat last night.
I'd made dinner plans to ensure that I wasn't home when my H came to get his things. As I was getting ready to leave my parent's house, H called me to say that he was in Savannah and was on the way to stop by the house to pick up a few things if it was ok. I informed him that I wouldn't be home but that he could feel free to grab whatever. I told him I'd separated out some of his things and told him where to find the rest of his family photos. He seemed disappointed to hear I wasn't going to be there, but said he understood how busy I was. He asked if I'd had a good weekend, and I said it had been excellent. I asked about his, and he said it had been nothing special, said he'd spent the weekend cleaning up his house as the people that lived there before were really dirty - said it was nothing like the hosue in _____ (our house). He said it was just a little country place and that it was ok, but that he was going to have to soak the blinds to clean them as they were so dirty. He said he was just planning to go home and play with Lucy (our parrot) later. We had the same race to get off the phone - him saying he knows I'm busy and doesn't want to keep me and me trying to get off first.
We talked for exactly 2 minutes and 57 seconds (see a pattern forming here).
The conversation was interesting. He sounded like his normal self, and actually sounded a little down. Just a little. I'm not reading anything into it, though, as I know in all likelihood he's just feeling guilty again.
So, I made a mad dash to get home and drop off Lola before before he got there. I would have made it except I ran a stop sign and got pulled over by a cop just outside of my subdivision. Luckily, I got off with a warning, but it was too late to get away without seeing him.
I was able to get Lola inside, and just as I was making my way to my car to leave, he pulled up. I think he was surprised to see me. He was wearing his "nice clothes" - his good jeans and polo that I bought him from Banana Republic. He even had on some dressier shoes instead of tennis shoes. makes me wonder if he wasn't in Savannah having lunch with OW. Who knows.
He actually seemed nervous - he has a different stance and his eyelids flutter when he's nervous, and that's what he was doing. He told me again that he was just going to grab some ammo, and I told him again that I'd separated some of his things. He thanked me and said I didn't have to do that. After talking for a minute, he walked over to give me a hug - it ended up being one of those half-hugs as I tried to keep it "friendly but not friends" - so it was the hug I'd give a random coworker. He mentioned again that he could leave his house key, but I didn't really respond. He said the new place wasn't very nice - that what he'd thought were hardwood floors when he looked in the window were really linoleum floors. He said there was no carpet at all, and that it was pretty small - just two bedrooms, a kitchen, and a common area. He mentioned going to Comcast on Tuesday again, said that he was thinking we could go to Comcast and then get some lunch. He said we could talk about plans and things if I wanted to. I told him I'd see what I could do and would get back with him tomorrow.
And then he said he knew I had to get going, and I agreed and got in my car. I told him good luck with everything and he said "take care and be safe". As I was pulling out, he stopped me and asked me if I had my revolver with me. I told him yes. He asked if I wanted him to leave me any more ammo and I said I thought the ammo I had was fine.
And then I left. He called me a minute or two later and asked if he could take the bratwurst in the freezer and if it was ok if he took a fork with him. I said no problem, and he thanked me and said he'd eat the brats for dinner. I got off the phone first - after less than a minute on the phone.
It was SO hard, but it was the right thing to do and I was glad I did it. I handled myself well - no R talk, talked very little about myself, validated, and was friendly but not a friend.
I actually had a really great time at dinner, and I enjoyed the movie. I only had a few brief moments where I thought of him. I thought I'd feel more anxious coming home, and though I was a little curious and a little nervous about what he might have taken with him (everything, lots of stuff, etc), when I got home I found that he hadn't taken anything.
I checked the entire house, and all he'd taken was the bratwurst and a can of ammo. He still has toilettries in the bathroom, some clothes in the closet, and he didn't take any of the stuff I'd separated for him. He didn't leave the key.
He had separated out a few other things - his family photos and the bird's play perch, but they are just piled up with the other stuff.
It's odd, but whatever. I can't read much into it as he could have left without taking the stuff for any reason - could have gotten called out at work, could have gotten a call from the OW. Anything.
So, there you have it. Not sure what to make of all of it, but I am trying to make nothing of it at all. Right now I feel oddly centered and nonchalant about the whole thing.
Interesting. One step closer to detachment, it seems.
I'm trying to decide what I want to do about Tuesday. Do you think I should go to lunch with him?
I suppose I might as well. I'll figure it out in the morning.
