I was unfaithful #4

[mamanpc]

Hi M
Welcome to the club re:anguishing over the 'magnitude' of H's R with OW. I am so afraid that H will move out with OW short term (because he's a 'nice guy' and i suspect that she will 'work' on him to get him to move out) that at times i am overwhelmed with angst and have trouble acting 'as if' in the presence of him and the family.

re:your sitch - as you say, everyone's sitch is different, and (of course) i don't know all the ins/outs/details of your sitch.
Based on what you describe, and IMO only, i would not have offered the spare room, nor would i have asked if i could visit. And i would not have called either, as per your action list of previous post:

1 Not contact unless have to
2. Look good
3. Be upbeat
4. Act as if there was not OW
5. No r talk - thats easy because i hate heariung what he has to say.

I think that by doing what you did, you offered him up a perfect opportunity to dole out some more emotional punishment to you, which it appears he did - saying that he didn't care if you didn't come, but you could if you wanted because he's 'gonna havta get used to it' (geez what a way to make you feel welcome!)

And i don't think that offering him to stay at your place makes sense, given the context. You had said previously that he let you know if he needed anything from you, and IMO that was enough.

How about ringing him back up and saying that, unfortunately, the spare room isn't available as you thought it was initially? or, better yet, telling him that via a cellphone text message, because then you avoid getting his response which could be 'oh good, i really didn't want to use your room anyway'.

Just my opinion, M.
When H doesn't call for several days, is there anyone else you can call to talk to? i found that it has helped me to be able to talk about this to people around me. I can't vent as much as on the boards here, but it does help a lot!

bon courage and hang in there, M. I agree that the lack of any contact must be very very tough.