The enthusiasm of the young. Oh gosh they are a delight. It snowed about 4/5" here. We're from the east, and we used to get 3, 4, or 6 inches of snow regularly. Sometimes a couple times in a single week. We'd get 15-20 inches of snow in one go, once or twice every year. The kids grew up in that. So here it snowed almost an inch, and they are so happy about it. We had to get the sleds, we had a 45-minute snowball fight (guess who was the patsy?), we rolled in the snow for an hour. Snow angels, snow castles (8 inches tall). Ahhhh, kids! I love how energetic they are, how indefatigable. a dusting of snow and they think they are in heaven. We adults have something to learn from the young ones!
The season. Christmas is a lovely celebration. I'm looking forward to it, enjoying it already. I'm trying to make it real clear to my kids what I think it is all about. I am very excited about celebrating it with them. I am excited about the gifts, the decorations, the lights, all of it.
The snow. It was so cool watching it come down in the storm last night. Today, my son and I took a walk around, it was all so beautiful. As we walked around the nearby pond, we startled a Great Blue Heron. It was just 20 feet away. What a majestic bird! It took flight into the snowy woods. What a sight!
I am likely to be divorced before the week is out. Never wanted this, fought like heck to avoid it. But here we are. And yet, I am not discouraged. You know why? Because I am nuts!
No, wait. I don't want to admit that.
Seriously. I am not discouraged because I am looking forward to cessation of the legalized rape of yours truly. This is when the next part of her life begins for her, the part that does not revolve around beating me up. Her main project will no longer be to attack me.
As of last week, she has rent to pay for the first time in, oh... 20 years? She will need a paying job. Or a new hobby besides giving all our money to her attorney. I have waited a long time for natural consequences, and they are finally arriving. She will have her own problems to worry about now, and with me out of the way, those problems won't be my fault.
Or maybe I'm wrong? I don't know. She is still pretty angry, from what I can tell, still blaming me not only publicly, but it seems blaming me in her heart, too, from the way she communicates in email. We'll see what happens. People always say, the change of heart, if it comes, will come suddenly. On the road to Damascus, and all that. A couple people related stories to me recently about divorced women who had their change of heart 6 weeks after the divorce. We'll see.
Time, time, only time. Time will heal. And in time I will know where to go next. For now I am staying put and enjoying Christmas!
I had a good weekend with the kids. We did all the stuff I talked about - shopping, baking, hanging out. My son got a new coat, he seems proud of it. We went to the mall and had smoothies. Even though it was crowded, I smiled the entire time, just hanging with the four kids. We do a gift exchange, a "Secret Santa" thing. There are 17 cousins in their generation on my side, and even though we are across the country, we keep it up. Each person gets one gift and gives one gift.
So they all picked gifts for their person, they each put thought into it. They spend their own allowance money. They were each very proud. Of course, I'm sure they have the anticipation of what they might receive, but I was really trying to focus them on the giving part. Thinking about the other person, what would they like, who are they, what would make them happy? It takes effort to be a good gift giver, y'know? But they all did great. They're very excited. It's nice to see. A nice tradition.
