Another Wife Hit by the Bomb Thread #5

[Tomato]

or aren't you allowed to disclose it. especially to moi.

[Tomato]

I hope you are experiencing the smiles and joy that are absent from me as of now.

I reposted that on my thread. Good night. Prayers and joy to you.

[Amy M]

Tawnya!!! I'm glad you had a good day! So, did I...and, I have to say, I'm having more and more of them. You will too!!!

I definitely would be careful what you say to H about coming home after the trip. Don't make a threat you can't carry through with...look at me as an example of that!!!

Pray about it, and you'll know what to do.

Much love to you...
Amy

[sandi2]

I agree that you have to be the one to decide if it is a deal breaker for you or not. I know what the answer for me would be in a flash.....but you are not me. So, do what is right for you. But, one more thing I want you to consider......that beautiful daugther of yours. What will it be teaching her if you allow him to return and you keep taking more and more of this crap that he pours on you? Will she think that since all guys "do that" that all women are suppose to take whatever they dish out? She needs a good role model set for her and her father certainly is not thinking about being a good one for his children at the moment. Wonder how this will make his son think that a wife should be treated and will the son treat his wife with the same disrespect some day? Well, it's a lot to think about for you. I know Christmas are big family days and mothers want everything to be "just right" for the kids. I just hope you don't pay too big of a price in trying to achieve that.

I think I made a reference back about the flirting and spunkiness, etc. I hope you realize that I meant for you to stay balanced and use good common sense with all of that. IMHO, the man has abused anything good you might have given him, but it is still up to you as to how you plan to handle this. Just remember those kids. It sounds like you have a very level headed young lady for a daughter and she probably intimidates the boys a little b/c she when she got looks and brains...WOW...they can't handle that...lol. You just wait, as long as she has a smart mom by her side, she will end up marrying well.

Love and best wishes,
Sandi

[The Wifey]

{{{SMW}}} Thank you my friend..well if you read above I said HE really doesn't know, as far as I know, about when/where/how he'll be moving out..I'll be surprised (I mean not really but) when that does happen..we'll see..

Tawnya,

Honey I just reached a point where I couldn't wait any longer. H wants and needs to be separated. Its not what I want at all, but it was literally killing me.

So today I told him to leave. I told him if he really did care about me that he would be gone today. He went to see a lawyer already and all bets are off. I sit here now in relief. It hurts, but I can see that this is best.

I got the whole, I don't have any place to go, I don't have any plans, I don't have anything prepared, I wasn't even going to file the legal separation until the beginning of the year.

I said no, so sorry, but you have to go today. I even handed him money for a motel. I told him he could go to a friends, to a motel, or to his parents and that I didn't really care which it was. But he had to go.

He thinks this separation is wiping the slate clean and we can make a new start. Another thing I clarified for him. I told him that I would like a new start, but that I would not call him or make an effort to see him at all. That if he wanted a new start it would all have to be his effort. And if he didn't make the effort that I wouldn't wait for him. That I would move on and date other people.

I also added that this was now the most painful wall between us that I wouldn't just be fine and take him right back. First time he considered that I might not just be pining away for him. Set him back on his heels, but only a little I'm sure.

Stay strong, girl. You are worth fighting for and if he doesn't - his loss.

[Tawnya]

{{{Tomato}}} I will have to go read your thread..I hope you are finding a place of peace for YOURSELF this evening my friend..estrofest is next weekend (woo hoo!)...it will definitely be a first for ME in that I will be driving this trip by myself..it'll be the first "alone" long drive I've ever taken (weird but true!)

{{Amy}} So glad you had a GREAT day..today WAS a good day..first one I've had in a while..funny what happens when you do what you are suppose to and just enjoy your day..spent time with God, some friends, my son, and my daughter..which was just NICE..even texted HUB for a sec to see if he'd gone and cleaned while I was out with son, not that I asked him to, but just wondered cause he was out..no more..no less, funny enough he texted me back and told me exactly what he was doing (or at least what he wanted me to know LOL)..said he would clean if I wanted..I declined and thanked him..that was that..

{{{Sandi}}} Hope you and your daughter are doing well today! As for my son and learning things, I TOLD him specifically, from the first time we talked about "dad not being happy and possibly leaving" that this is NOT what marriage should be, that people should try to work things out..and then with this with the "friend taking the trip", I told him that this should be the type of friendship you should ONLY have with your spouse when you are married, and so I hope he listens I love the thought you have for my daughter and I just pray that she will marry well to someone who loves God, loves her, and is a good man who will treat her like the precious person she is!

{{{Wifey}}} Wow..what a major decision you have just been thru my friend..I am glad you are RELIEVED and you sound amazing..I think the same thing you said to me, I will say back to you..YOU are worth fighting for and if your hub doesn't see that, it's HIS loss my friend..(and thank you..)

I think..right at this moment, today, I am just really really at peace..could be just that I felt that way from church today, tomorrow could be a different story, but I've just felt really "free" today from "something"..I really can't explain it, someone prayed for me today and said something about being "free from the control of man"..and a lot of nice things about ME, prayers for me/about me, about how God approves of me already, no question,

I've really pondered those things today and I think (can't promise I will not be a basket case tomorrow LOL) that I FEEL God's love for me and I don't feel like "I can't ever measure up to what hub thinks, can't make up for what I have/haven't done", and I feel like that prayer about free from the control of man is not that my hub WAS controlling ME but I was letting HIM control me (if that makes sense)..obviously that is true or I wouldn't be roller coastering with his actions..I really, for the first time in a long time, feel like I will be OKAY and stronger and better for all of this

I hope that makes sense..I have felt rambly the past few days LOL

Tawnya

[VeronicaV]

Tawnya,

You are a remarkable lady. Big old bomb on Friday and by Sunday, your PMA is shining through in your posts and you said you had a great day. I am so impressed with you.

Sorry to be short, I am exhausted.

Beth

[sandi2]

I have to say Amen to Wifey! Wish her the best. We all have to do what is right for us. And Tawnya, I think perhaps the reason you feel "peace" is maybe you were able to turn you situation over to God. I hope that is the case. When we can do that, we do feel free and the burden we have carried around is gone. It doesn't mean that we don't care about what happens, it just means we have turned it over to God to handle b/c we don't know how and just can't do it anymore. So, I do pray that everything will go well for you b/c as Wifey said, you are special and if your H can't see what you are, it is his loss. As I told you before, sweetie, you will come out of this the winner. Look at AmyM. She would not have thought that going through a D was being a winner at the beginning of her thread, but that is not the point. Whether the M succeeds or not--does not made the decision if YOU are a winner or a loser......it is based on who YOU are as a person.....not the M. So, Tawnya will be okay. And...I think you will raise those two kids to realize what M is suppose to be in spite of what they have seen played out before them by their dad. When you try your best and trust in God to do His work......what more can one expect to do? Sound like a preacher, don't I? Well, I'm not. But, I know from experience that this is true. I also know from experience that when one strays and does wrong that you can come back and slowly get to where you need to be once again.....if you want that. So, who knows........maybe something will happen within these next few weeks that H will see the error of his foolish ways and see what he has at home and make the right decision for his life. I have seen what some would call miracles happen before in people's lives. Just wait on God to do what is best for you b/c YOU are the one that has turned to Him.....not the H. So, God may not be able to do what He could do or wants to do for your H as long as H is out of the will of God. Does that make sense? B/c H has that free will and God is not going to interfer with free will. Oh.....I've got to stop preaching these messages. But, hey.....I am not going to say "I'm sorry".....lol.

God bless you and your family. You are very special. You keep remembering that b/c I think from the posts I have read that it is a common reaction from the people that have read what you have posted. We all see what a terrific person you are, so don't beat yourself down into the ground and start believing in yourself....okay?

Take care and try to enjoy each day as it comes. Do the best with what you have to work with that day.

Sandi

[Tawnya]

Well..last night, at some point, while I was reading my book and after reading here and just feeling really at peace, I came to a serious "drop the rope" decision..it really just felt right and good, so I went to hub and said the following (hold onto your hats folks

I went downstairs and told hub I wanted to talk to him about something, he had the look like "oh crap, a long discussion", but I assured him it wouldn't take long. I said, basically, "You know that I love you and would have done anything at the beginning of this to make this work. However, the fact that you have continued to lie to me, setting up the account with her and going on this trip with her is SO disrespectful to me." I then said, "If Christmas wasn't next week, I would tell you that, if you go on this trip with her, to have the sep agreement in place and not come back after you got back from the trip, because it's just THAT disrespectful."

I assured him this wasn't an ultimatum, I just told him that somewhere along the line today I found my self respect that I didn't know was even gone. He never took it like an ultimatum, so I give the credit to God for the peace on that one.

Then I said, "Since it IS Christmas next week and son wants you here, daughter would like you here and I don't mind you being here for that, I won't push it to be before you leave. However, if you choose this trip, then you need to make it soon." I said, "I would never have thought I'd be sitting here saying these things and I'm not trying to make you be homeless. These are YOUR choices, not mine, and you backed me into a corner where I feel I have no choice."

Then I told him that if he, for whatever reason, DIDN"T make the trip with her, then we would go back to the whenever you can go sep agreement. Of course, he said he would make it happen the first few weeks in January because his plans were not going to change. I said, okay.

I told him that, because of these disrespectful choices that, if at some point he did (in his words from the other night) "fall out of bed and realize his mistake" that HE could let me know and I would let HIM know what it would take to consider working on a reconciliation..

I actually then just went upstairs and slept, actually all night for a change, until 7:30. This morning hub was home due to a different work schedule this week, and I was nice, talked to him about the crummy weather up north they were having since that is where he is headed.

I will still be my same nice self, I don't feel upset about it..so, I'm assuming this is what "dropping the rope" feels like, and, it's not as scary and bad as I thought

So..there ya go!

Tawnya

[Tawnya]

{{{Beth}}} Hope you got some rest my friend and thank you for stopping in to check on me!!

{{{Sandi}}} Thank you for my "mini-sermon"..stop by with them anytime..I'm glad you are here for me..I appreciate it more than you know Thank you for cheering me on that I'll be ok..I think I'm definitely on my way there, and, in no small part, that is because of all of the wonderful friends who lift me up on this board

Tawnya