RTl, I just hope your XW does not cause you anymore financial damage by holding up the sale of the house. You would think since she has a stake in this she would be more proactive. If only you could hold on and she would give up her claim on it, you could keep it till things turn around. XW should try to preserve it for D so she has some stability in her life. XW just seems so incapable of putting her D first, which is kind of strange for a mother. Yes she should be happy, but most parents can only be happy if their kids are ok. The sale of the home will effect D, one would think that XW would do all she could to help out so that D still has that house, she seems to have no problem taking all from D. Xw sounds very selfish . It is strange, but my 3 D's are grown and gone but I still am trying to save my M . partly because i can't put them through having to see us apart. XW will ultimately be the loser because her D will see what she has done. My 3 D's are my best friends , and they know what their father has put me through ,and how awful he has been. But I know if I went with another man, they would freak. They want to believe that no matter what deep down, their parents love each other. Your XW has made a huge mistake by being with an OM in front of a five year old. Your D sounds very bright, and eventually she will not forgive XW for not loving her father, because she will know you wanted to put the family back together. I so hope you will find somebody and your D will get to see you happy in a stable R, which probably she will never see her mother in
Ali and Carlos, I'm glad I can provide something for you in your times of trouble. I do know that at first SirPrizeMe picked up my lifeline and kept me going. He took care of me and I'll never forget it.
There have been others too. Ali, you, Sunshine, Nut, Kerry, Phoenixdeux, and all the others have given me my kicks and 2X4s (as well as the hugs) throughout the past year I've been here on the boards. Now, I'm so blessed to have others coming by on a regular basis, like bizarre, to keep me grounded and help me to keep looking forward.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, you are welcome, but I'm really glad I can help out b/c I know what it is like to be so very alone.
Anyway, I was supposed to get up and do a TON of exercising today - had it all planned: spinning class at 8:30, abs class at 9:30, then cardio boot camp at noon. Well, last night I was at a surprise 65th birthday party for a co-worker and once the wine was uncorked, my inner alcoholic couldn't say no. Needless to say, I was finally in bed around 1 am, so my workouts were missed.
What did I do instead? Spent over six hours in my classroom grading papers, recording grades and digging up finals for the upcoming week. Was it good for my health or my body mass index? No, but I did need to do it.
I just rounded off my evening by taking myself out to the movies - I'm a lovely date, you know. I saw "Role Models" which is absolutely funny. If you like the crude humor (think Super Bad or Forgetting Sarah Marshall), then you've got to see it. It is very, very funny. Good, quick, gags and lines.
On the other front - the thundering pain in my arse one - I did send the following text to XW today: "I have no choice but to move forward w/the house. If you want to be included, you need to talk to me about it. I'll do the best I can for us in this market."
Much to my surprise, she actually did reply: "I am going to check on a few things regarding the house and the market. I will get back to you in a week or two."
Can you say controlling?
Anyway, I sent a few other texts (broke my conversations into smaller bites so I could save them on the computer - it won't save the big ones) and told her the following things: 1) two weeks is too long in this market. 2) informed her I've contacted the owners of the 2nd mortgage to talk about a settlement number that would allow us to not end up negative w/ a sale. 3) Told her I'm leaving the house soon whether there is a sale or not as I can't afford to stay any longer. 4) Reminded her I'm not the enemy and I have no control over the market or the economy. Also asked for her and I to be on the same team w/ the house. 5) I told her she could look to buy me out if she wanted control of the house. In this market, my buyout would only be in the $10-$15K range. Her parents might be able to scrape that up for her and then she can simply "have" the place.
Her reply - well, it's still pending, I guess. In any event, I will be submitting forms to the 2nd mortgage people to see if we can settle our 2nd for about $0.75/on the dollar. If they'll do that w/me, then I can sell the house easily in 30 days and walk out w/out having any joint debts w/ XW.
So, that's the latest from here. I'm not going to wait for her to do anything. Instead, I'll keep working w/ the realtor and the creditors and see what they will come up with. Then, I'll put it in front of XW and hope she doesn't screw us up even more by refusing to talk to me about things.
Her issue of control is so transparent. She's had every chance to take over the house, but has refused each time. It is easier to blame if you don't lift a finger, right?
RTL' You have been through so much, just do whatever you need to get this behind you. Go forward with what is reasonable, whether you hear from XW or not. This time let her pay legal fees to fight you. keep copies of all your texts and the lack of response from her. you need to put this behind you and get on with your life. She certainly has!
Hi Rob: Happy Sunday. An "abs class" - sounds exhausting and painful...in a great way.
I was glad to read that you went to that party and just let go for a night - serves as a reminder to all of us that sometimes we just have to step back into the river and live.
I've been enjoying a fine Sunday with my S11. He made the pancakes this morning - and we're heading off to play in a pickup soccer game in an hour (he made quite the impression last time I brought him...even though the next youngest player is probably in his 20s).
Hi Rob mou, sorry I havent posted much. Just read about the house issue. I love the way you are taking care of this. You need to do what you have to do. "Bleeding" financially is not "healthy".
As bizzare said, keep records of all your communication with her. She may put up an act and we know she is crazy enough to blame you for anything... xxxx K
I love that attitude and I've adopted it. I'm taking the deal and she can sue me.
and Gypsy, my dear, I'm pumped about moving forward. I like the fact I have a cheerleader, too. Do you have the outfit that goes w/that pep?
Today my realtor called and said there is an offer that would allow us to break completely even on the house. The only thing we'd have left between us is a $6000 joint credit card debt, the divison of the pensions, and the settlement of the wedding ring she chose to buy and now can't return b/c the jeweler is going out of business.
We're going to counter for a few thousand extra, not too much, but enough to give me a little bit of cash to help me move and put down 1st, last, and deposit on a new place.
So, we're playing around w/that. I sent her a text today about the offer and she snapped back a reply of "give me (the realtor's) number." Nothing like a kind, civil working relationship when it comes to a major asset. So, I gave her the number and guess what? She never called him. Anyone surprised? So, I gave the agent the number and he called but she didn't answer - he left her a message.
I'm sure she'll avoid the conversation so this can drag out. However, I'm now in a position where I'll take the offer or if she doesn't want to sell at that price, then she'll have to buy me out and take the house for herself. I'm not staying past January, folks. One year alone in our former marital residence has been enough. It is time for a change and a new start for me, the dog and the cat.
So, that was about all. Since I didn't go to the gym Friday or Saturday and I wasn't the best w/ my diet either day, I hit it really hard for an hour of cardio today and feel good. Now it is time to clean up and start to prepare my finals for the upcoming week at school.
LOVE the new name. Very, very positive. It should keep you focused and help you stay on track during the tough times. Remember the positives, my boy. Good for you.
Your day sounds like it went very well. Cool. As for me, I'm glad I went to the party and was up until 1. I did miss all the workout classes I wanted to hit on Saturday because of the party, but I made up for it the best I could w/ a good, heart-pounding sweat today.
Thanks for the affirmations, my brother. I'm going to have to come up to the Bay Area and just hang out once I'm more settled in. You game for some company sometime?
Just because you haven't posted doesn't mean I can't feel your presence. You Bond girls are always lurking.
I'm bledding like a stuck pig, but if I can get out from underneath this house and its financial commitments, I'll be much better.
XW will be blaming me for sure. Remember, according to my XW, it is MY fault the house has lost over $150K in value over the past 18 months.
So, if her logic is true, I'm the real devil here who has ruined the economy. Redirect those pitchforks away from the do-nothing Congress, the enabling CEO-in-Chief Bush, the lack of oversight, and corporate greed and fix them where they belong - on ME! I ame the nut behind the wheel that has driven the US economy into the toilet!
There. I now feel a whole lot better b/c I've been able to vent and get that off my chest. It weighs on you to hold in such a big secret sometimes.
