Can my 32 year old W have a midlife crisis?

[Jeff3]

Just had the chat about the house. She agreed to the terms but said she needs to stay until she finds a place. She said maybe 4 months and I told her that 4 months may be too long. She is still upset she didn't get the condo she put an offer on.

Funny thing happened, I was in my room folding clothes and she was in her room. She called out to me saying that this is hard. She was crying a bit. She didn't say alot but was upset so I let her alone.

I continued to fold laundry and she came into my room sat on my bed and began to talk. she said that I never made her cry and that I always included her in my plans. She also said that she was high maintainance and that I put up with that. She asked me if she was demanding and the centre of attention? I answered honeslty but kindly saying yes. She wanted examples I gave her some. She remain calm and quiet. I feel like she is examining her life or something. I remained confident and didn't get emotional. I kept reminding myself of the behaviour over the summer, realyzing that there has to be huge changes for us to work.

She ended up falling asleep in my bed for a bit while I cleaned up the house. She got up saying sorry for falling asleep, I said thats ok it's not the first time, (she feel asleep on me the first time we met, we both laughed and carried on with the night.

I think I am a not going to bring anything up and see what happens over the weekend. I want to see if she is still trying to figure it out. I did tell her though that I don't have the answer and that she has to find the answer herself.

And yes I realize that this could be a blip. I need to see consistant behaviour to even get a glimpse of hope. I feel weird because I have resign myself to the fact that we are splitting up and found myself wondering if I wanted her back? I still love the old her. She also said that I would be better off because I have dealt with it and she hasn't.

Anyway long post thats all for now.

Jeff

[fisherman]

Hey Jeff,

Keep staying strong!! Your doing well.

[craig54]

Jeff, this is a learning process, and you are learning.This takes time,lots of time.Your wife waffles back and forth. In 15 months, my wife has not waffled about us.She has not finished anything, but she still seems pretty sure we are over.so the best you can do is live your life, be kind and gentle to her. Expect nothing in return and don't worry about the time frame.

[Jeff3]

Hey Craig

Thanks, I know I need to see consistent behavior,to be hopeful. My W called me up Yesterday and was again wondering if she was doing the right thing. I said only you can find the answer. She apologized for what she has done to me and was wondering out loud if maybe she should see someone (counselor) about herself then perhaps work on the marriage. I didn't say much other than if we did work on things we would have to have a much different relationship and it would be alot of work, but with work can come great rewards. I was heading to my Christmas party that she would normally go to and said we could talk later.

I then got a phone call from her mother who said that she was just talking to my W and that I may get my wish. She said to her mother, that she was questioning if she is doing the right thing and that perhaps she should put things on hold while she worked on herself then we could work on the marriage. My MIL said that she wanted to give me a heads up and that she may make that proposal to me. But we both agreed that she may change her mind tomorrow. My W was out at a concert last night but texted me when she would be home (which is unusual of late.)

I don't know what to make of it? She hasn't talked more about it and I am not going to bring up the subject. I guess I will still live my life for now. She hasn't said anything about signing the separation and I not sure If I should mention it.

That's all for now

Jeff

[Jeff3]

More interesting stuff, my W asked if I was going to be around today so that we could buy a gift for one of our neighbor's newborn. This would be the first time we would do something together in a while. Well, She was supposed to be home at midnight and didn't come home, I was worried then wondering if she stayed over at OM. I woke up this morning and called my MIL because she was taking care of our dog, I was wondering if My W called and was going to pick up our dog. My MIL said that my W called and asked her to call me to tell me that she was ok. My MIL said she shouldn't tell me but, that my W was going over to OM to end it and that she thinks my W has realized that she wasn't thinking straight.

I am not sure what to make of all of this, but she is making these decisions on her own I have said nothing and will keep living my life until she approaches me. I can't help feeling hopeful but realistic. She has to fix herself first I guess before we could fix our marriage. I keep praying for guidance, it's in Gods hands.

Any input would be helpful, I know that others have gone through cycles then back again Trapt I know you have warned me about this. This pattern has been continuing for the past couple of weeks I hope it keeps going.

[job]

Jeff,
I would sit back and just watch the drama unfold. I would keep my expectations at zero at all times. They do tend to bounce back and forth w/break ups and getting back together again numerous times. So, unless she's further along and really ready to face her demons, she's still going to be on the emotional rollercoaster a while longer.

I think it's a great opportunity for the two of you, if you could go out and purchase a gift together. It's a step in the right direction and doing it as "friends" is the first step towards her realizing what she's left behind.

Just be yourself, have fun and no expectations. To look at it another way, it's a "fun" date and who knows, a cup of coffee and a pastry just might find their way into the schedule. Treat her as a friend or a co-worker and not your wife. No talks of the relationship...this a "fun" date. Keep it that way. Patience is the key today.

Have fun!

[Jeff3]

Hey Snodderly

Thanks I will keep my cool and treat her as a friend, a couple of days ago she thanked me fro being a good friend. It's hard but your'e right I must keep my expectations to zero and everything else is gravy. I will wait till she appraoches me.

Cheers,
Jeff

[BSC]

Hi Jeff

Its long lost BSC. I have been lurking in the background for some time. Don't feel like getting into my sitch, but you are doing a great job. Keep up the good work and good things will come either way. Stay strong.

[Jeff3]

Hey BSC

good to hear from you thanks for stopping by

[fisherman]

Hey Jeff,

Your doing well my friend. Hang in there. Do your absolute best to remain patient.

I'm praying for ya,

Trapt