I suppose it could be that he is seeing things differently because of OW, but isn't it also possible that he did have these feelings all along, and it was because he didn't feel like he was "good enough" and didn't feel like the alph-male, or maybe at times feel like he didn't even have a voice, that made him particularly suseptible to another woman?
I absolutely believe what he said in his letter, and I will in no way deny that he felt like he didn't have a voice in alot of things, that he felt like I was the husband, etc - and that those feelings of inadequecy, low self-esteem, powerlessness, etc made him far more susceptible to another man.
I know my descriptions of my sitch are very long, but if you read trhough my original thread, you'll see that I totally understand all of this.
The problem with the "fog" is the problem that pretty much anything I do right now is going to be fruitless because he's with the OW.
And yes, the issues he states below have always been there. In fact, in the past we have discussed them, and I've made many attempts to improve. Since we separated, I've had many changes of heart and shared those things with him. The things he said he wants in his letter in terms of family, God, etc are the exact things that he is avoiding now in his new life.
The issues that he talks about are also issues that could be worked around until just a month or so ago. Looking at the sitch, the most logical explanation is that the OW came along and suddenly the problems were amplified between me and him - seemingly insurmountable - and then there was this lovely young girl who could fill unmet needs. So then it's pow!, let's divorce. Damn, we're just too different. Damn, hurry up the divorce process.
Dudess, I guess the problem is, at this point I don't know what to believe. The rule of thumb around here is believe nothing or what they say (or write) and only 50% of what they do. It's so easy to believe his words, to believe he sincerely loves me and just feels like he needs to find himself.
But, there are signs in the opposite direction as well. In the end, I may never have the full picture of what's going on with him right now - mentally, emotionally, physically. I don't know what to believe nor how to behave.
Oh, and I did respond to his letter. That letter was left at the house for me on 11/29. Immediately after, I saw him and responded that way. I've responded in letters.
I don't know if my response made any sense. I'm a little sleep deprived right now. Thanks for coming by and offering your opinions and support. I always like to onsider a different view.
