Thanks guys - I appreciate your thoughts and comments...sometimes being so close makes it hard to get a proper perspective on things - ykwi-mean no doubt!
Just got back from dropping H off at home - we got the tree - - went to our usual place - H and I have started making a tradition of getting the tree from this place - its a National trust place not too far away - but I like that the price of the tree goes to the national trust coffers rather than someone on the make. Took the tree home and then W arrived soon after - I had made a start moving stuff around and getting ready to move it into the house - i had taken precaution of readying a bucket with sand and stuff to set it in from home this morning. So that all went pretty well...
W got some carols playing and we had some bread and cheese and some birthday cake - and then got down to decorating the tree...it looks great! A good choice GFI! Christmas trees can be like real fires to some blokes! LOL!
Enjoyed an hour there, checked out diary commitments with W for next week so we get our plans right with H and then bailed out! Short and sweet; right?
It struck me though...my W is returning to the funny, quirky, beautiful person I fell for - but with a maturity I also love - when we first got together we were just students - 19 years ago this month in fact! OMG! You know - that makes me so so sad - to think of all the fun and happiness we could have had in the last 10 years if I had got my head out of my @rse and seen her love for what it was and hadn't been such a DAM!
I broke one of Sandi's cardinal rules yesterday and sent her a TM asking if she'd like to come over for supper next week - got a pretty positive TM back asking if the invite was for her and H...not wanting to push it this afternoon when she asked i said yes - and likely she and H will call by on Wednesday - her night with H at home...we have fallen into a pretty agreeable pattern of me having H here on Tuesdays (i go collect him from home bout 6 / 6.30 which is the earliest I can manage on a Tuesday) and then take him to school) and Thursdays (I collect him from school at 3.20 and then overnight and then take him to school on a Friday morning) and a weekend day + night...this is a stretch sometimes with working F/T but perversely this sitch has been good for me in that I spend lots of good quality time with H.
And again - for the record - I really do love my W - despite everything, she is still a person I want in my life, I'm glad she's such a big part of it...I wish she was more part of it than she is at the moment...and a question I've been asking myself for a while - do i want this just because of H? This is something I have been concerned about...worried about it ...cos that sort of want, to make things right for H likely would mean if, given the outside chance that we make it back to reconciliation, that things would go downhill at some future point...this afternoon i think confirmed for me that no, I desire her - want her...want her beauty - in every way - to be part of my life...
I looked around at my works "do" of Friday evening thinking - is there anyone here I could see myself having a R with? And the little/loud voice in my head was "no!" - I wished for all the world that my W was there with me - we would have had such a ball...no-one comes close...
Confirmed - If I'm to get anywhere near to that I have to continue on the path i have chosen.
KBO - GFI
And Ali - many thanks for your barfday wishes!!! I now have more birthday cake than I can manage!!! Got a slab of left-overs from the kids' party yesterday afternoon and now mine from W and H...
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
And for lanzo! Good result!!! A resounding "No" - I am thrilled - was pretty p!ssed off that i didn't get a vote living out in the sticks - if it had gone the other way that would have cost me bout �40 a week and without having a say-so...so thanks for your vote! I was relying on you!
Best - GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
Well - here are latest thoughts - as always observations and comments welcome!
Weds night - played badminton - i play doubles usually - and we have a regular 4 - last night we had a stand in who I played with - he was pretty good - but it took us a little while to get to know each other's game - we lost the first 3 - then recovered - it turned out that he was pretty good! I enjoy those games enormously! we ended up 4-3 down - not a bad recovery! Anyone else play badminton? I suffered a broken string at about game 2 - so one I persuaded that string back into a place in my racket was all the more pleased that we were able to get that result! I've got the measure of P - my nemesis - he has a cr@p backhand but but is wicked on the forehand and smash - but difficult thing is he's left handed - which makes it essential to play with a thinking mind! Which can be hard over 2 hours!!!
Had H overnight last-night - he's tired from his term now - needs a holiday - I suggested climbing - " awwwww......!" We ended up having tea then tiling and doing jobs - just as good in terms of dad-son time as far as i'm concerned....
W phoned a couple of times last night - missed both calls - but I think she goes to a class on thursdays...to a place with poor reception too...we tried calling back - and left a message - sorry I(H) missed your call- I was up a ladder tiling! H is now conflicted - wants to be a tiler OR an
Author Magician / comedian Ice Cream Man Chocolate Taster Astronomer
In no particular order of preference! Any career advisers here???
Traffic was dreadful this morning - everyone heading into city to shop! Not helped by roadworks...
Got H to school all fine - with buckets of treats for his class pals...for his birthday - his birthday is on Christmas Day so he doesn't get the chance of having this celebrated in school within term - he was v v excited to be able to take this stuff in on the last day of term!
And so to me - went for drinks with with folks from work at the close of play this afternoon...and then bailed out at about 7...train home! busy day tomorrow...and then H from 6 - while W - and this is the speculative bit - introduces new OM to BIL and sil...
The thought of which makes me sick...
but - hey - nothing i can do - and H and I will have a ball tomorrow eve and all day Sunday.
So...there we go - KBO - GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
"this is the speculative bit - (W)introduces new OM to BIL and sil..."
A new OM or the original one ?
If this is a new OM then that puts you at best 3rd in the pecking order, I think you have done a good job as establishing yourself as a friend with W but maybe thats as far as it will go with W.
G, you've identified and demostrated a lot of your good qualities, maybe it's a good time to hang them out there and see who it attracts. At the moment you are a "given" for w, you ain't going anywhere, she knows you'll always be there, maybe you need to change this. Somtimes people want what they can't have, also I've read it so many times on these boards that once the LBS takes the steps to moving on the WAS starts to follow or want back in. You're doing a great job at the moment but maybe you should start to consider other possibilities.
I wanted to follow up on Lanzo's post and express my agreement.
Over the past 9 months, my h has seen and commented on the changes in me. I won't go on about all of them here, but it is clear he sees me differently. He just doesn't want to be with me, not now, maybe not ever.
He is on his path, a journey he has to take and yes, it involves another woman. There is nothing I can do to change that. He will either get her out of his system at which point he may be interested in our relationship again, or she may become part of his life. In any event, there is nothing that I can do.
Truly realizing this and accepting it, I have decided to date casually. I've entered into an e-mail exchange with a very nice man and we will likely meet .... and this is good for me, despite my feelings for my h. I'm getting opportunities to try out my new relating behaviours and I'm getting the kind of positive feedback that is reinforcing those behaviours, helping me to heal and become even more whole.
Trying out being with other people will not be what prevents my h and I from reconciling. We won't reconcile because either one or both of us doesn't want to be with the other.
And truly, I now know that I love my h in the kind of way that means that if his greater happiness lies with another woman, I can only wish and hope that for him. Waiting for him to tell me that is the case, is not good for me or for our relationship. I don't believe that our growing friendship tells me anything about the prospect of a potential reconciliation; it only means that hostility and bad feelings would not bar it. In the end, I don't have to earn his love or martyr myself for it; I deserve to be chosen. And he is not free to make that choice until he has decided, for himself, whether being with the other woman is where his happiness lies. Even if he decides not to be with her, there is no guarantee he will choose to be with me.
the OM is a newish OM - since July time this year...the original OM is gone - divorced and in a new relationship.
Although I know any chance of reconciliation is a long way down the line - if ever - i am not particularly desperate to jump into a new R as a straightforward alternative...I have plenty on my plate at the moment before I can get into a serious R with another woman...although I am open to the idea of seeing other people - in fact had lunch today with MA32 - (Management Accountant age 32) someone I know through work...In fact quite a day all round - done some house stuff, been for a run, been for long lunch and shortly off to collect H.
Folks I am still very much a work in progress and I am aware of the dangers of deluding oneself.
I really appreciate the input above...
KBO - GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
