Here are some observations from a fellow confused husband..
Originally Posted By: native
Last weekend I got all kinds of signs that she is warming up and I bit the bullet and asked her out........
There was an awkward silence and rather than let her turn me down I retract my offer. Instead she goes to a bar to hear a band with some 'friends'.
Slip up #1
I would have not "retracted" my offer. If she were to say no ... oh well.. I have found that my W has reluctance to try things.. Like "going out" and after we are out she (and I) have a good time... next time let her decide. And if she says no then (no mater how hard it is) ya have to act "as if" it's her loss not yours
Slip up #2 (Now Saffie gets on my case about expressing feelings, and I do think there is a time when they need to be expressed but not this time...
Originally Posted By: native
Tonight I was invited to go to her uncle's surprise b'day party, but declined. I then called her to let her know that her decision to not go out with me hurt and that I was angry.
Telling her you were hurt and declining her invitations makes it sound like "well you will not play with me so I am not going to play with you"
I know it is "unfair" that we the husbands need to cater to our lost wives but that is the game we are choosing to play at the moment. In this game we need to try to make our wives at ease...telling her that it hurt you when she declined your date..(And she didn't decline you took the offer back) just makes it harder for her to agree next time.. Or next time she may agree but only because she does not want to hurt your feelings.. I don't know about you but I want my wife to come back because she wants to not just so she does not want to hurt my feelings. If that is the only reason she comes back then all we have done is set us up for another issue down the road with her being unhappy..
Don't worry about it though all we can do is just move on and learn from our mistakes..
face it buddy you and I are like rats on a maze... every time we come to a dead end we just need to back track a little and try another path..
Take care Dr LOve
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
