Best friends?

[GFI]

Thanks guys - I appreciate your thoughts and comments...sometimes being so close makes it hard to get a proper perspective on things - ykwi-mean no doubt!

Just got back from dropping H off at home - we got the tree - - went to our usual place - H and I have started making a tradition of getting the tree from this place - its a National trust place not too far away - but I like that the price of the tree goes to the national trust coffers rather than someone on the make. Took the tree home and then W arrived soon after - I had made a start moving stuff around and getting ready to move it into the house - i had taken precaution of readying a bucket with sand and stuff to set it in from home this morning. So that all went pretty well...

W got some carols playing and we had some bread and cheese and some birthday cake - and then got down to decorating the tree...it looks great! A good choice GFI! Christmas trees can be like real fires to some blokes! LOL!

Enjoyed an hour there, checked out diary commitments with W for next week so we get our plans right with H and then bailed out! Short and sweet; right?

It struck me though...my W is returning to the funny, quirky, beautiful person I fell for - but with a maturity I also love - when we first got together we were just students - 19 years ago this month in fact! OMG! You know - that makes me so so sad - to think of all the fun and happiness we could have had in the last 10 years if I had got my head out of my @rse and seen her love for what it was and hadn't been such a DAM!

I broke one of Sandi's cardinal rules yesterday and sent her a TM asking if she'd like to come over for supper next week - got a pretty positive TM back asking if the invite was for her and H...not wanting to push it this afternoon when she asked i said yes - and likely she and H will call by on Wednesday - her night with H at home...we have fallen into a pretty agreeable pattern of me having H here on Tuesdays (i go collect him from home bout 6 / 6.30 which is the earliest I can manage on a Tuesday) and then take him to school) and Thursdays (I collect him from school at 3.20 and then overnight and then take him to school on a Friday morning) and a weekend day + night...this is a stretch sometimes with working F/T but perversely this sitch has been good for me in that I spend lots of good quality time with H.

And again - for the record - I really do love my W - despite everything, she is still a person I want in my life, I'm glad she's such a big part of it...I wish she was more part of it than she is at the moment...and a question I've been asking myself for a while - do i want this just because of H? This is something I have been concerned about...worried about it ...cos that sort of want, to make things right for H likely would mean if, given the outside chance that we make it back to reconciliation, that things would go downhill at some future point...this afternoon i think confirmed for me that no, I desire her - want her...want her beauty - in every way - to be part of my life...

I looked around at my works "do" of Friday evening thinking - is there anyone here I could see myself having a R with? And the little/loud voice in my head was "no!" - I wished for all the world that my W was there with me - we would have had such a ball...no-one comes close...

Confirmed - If I'm to get anywhere near to that I have to continue on the path i have chosen.

KBO - GFI

And Ali - many thanks for your barfday wishes!!! I now have more birthday cake than I can manage!!! Got a slab of left-overs from the kids' party yesterday afternoon and now mine from W and H...