I know this is so very hard....I am not judging you. I just know that you have always been a fair and compassionate man, and I think if you did something and got tempted you would be so disgusted with yourself.
Hang in there.....and be careful at that party next week.
Saffie,
I know everything you have told me is not jugemental so no worries there
I know, I caught myself... I am going to let wife know. I am going to tell her about the other person. (NO names). I am going to tell her that no matter how hard I try. Until we are together again, sleeping in the same bed, parenting our son together on the same side. Then in my mind it will still be her and the OM against me. I know (pretty sure) she is not seeing or planning on leaving me for the OM. I know (pretty sure) that she was looking for something and did not find it with the OM. But that is besides the point. It is just a fact that it happened and now in my mind she is no longer mine. She is trying in her own way but......it's not enough... Yes part of me has been avoiding rocking the boat. I can't believe how my family is so falling apart. Sometimes I feel like that guy at the circus spinning the plates. I have to keep an eye on all of them, not spending too much time with one or the others will fall. I don't want to do anything until my mom gets out of the hospital. On another front I think that the wife is wrapping herself up in these classes to avoid the sitch also. I am going back to my mom’s house for a few more days this week; her animals are starting to act weird again. They sense there is no human around and this weekend when I stopped by they would not leave me alone... Also I was waiting until Wife gave me the "ok " to talk that she was through with her finals but have deiced that the Stupid classes are not really as important as my family. I am going to send her a letter outlining my feelings. Letting her know that I am ready to file for a separation after the fist of the year if we can not work things out. NOT IN A THREATING MANNER.. just let her know this is how I am feeling.... I know now how easy an affair can be started. As you know from my past posts this is not the first time that I have come close to "falling off the wagon". It’s sooo tempting sometimes. Well I need to go help my son build a canoe for a class project. THEN help him with his map of South America. I think Saffie that part of my problem in the past was that I keep things in and then when I do try to talk I leave things too open ended. I wait for wife to reply or comment. Please nobody get me wrong... Things are way better that April 12,2007. But I want more. I want a life time partner...not just a friend..
Take care and don’t worry about the party. I am the driver and it is out of town so I watch my drinking closely. So I will not make any "drunken mistakes"
Love ya all Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
