Ok what I learned from staying at my mom's house was that I was losing ground at home. I was starting to feel like a visitor at both my Mom's house and when I got home. SO I am moving back. As for my Mom.. We keep getting set backs. I am so hopeing that she will get to come home by Friday (her B-day). Things are ok here. I am going to get settled in agian and 'try' to let things coast for the holidays..
I heard this from "clash" and I had to post it here... I am such a rebel...
Darling you gotta let me know Should I stay or should I go? If you say that you are mine I'll be here til the end of time So you got to let know Should I stay or should I go?
Always tease tease tease You're happy when I'm on my knees One day is fine, next is black So if you want me off your back Well come on and let me know Should I stay or should I go?
Should I stay or should I go now? Should I stay or should I go now? If I go there will be trouble An if I stay it will be double So come on and let me know
This indecisions bugging me If you don't want me, set me free Exactly whom I'm supposed to be Don't you know which clothes even fit me? Come on and let me know Should I cool it or should I blow? Should I stay or should I go now? If I go there will be trouble And if I stay it will be double So you gotta let me know Should I stay or should I go?
Later Dr LOve
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Anyway I think this time apart is doing some good. When we do talk. She does not sound like I am bugging her. She acts interested...
Been there, hated that! It really pissed me off when my W treated me like an annoying insect. It looks like we've both moved past that. Sounds like we are in a similar place. Congratulations and good luck!!!
Just reading up a little on your sitch.
Last edited by native; 12/12/0808:38 AM.
Me 47, W 32,D 6, Met 11 yrs. ago, M 7 Bomb 4/08/08, Sep. 8/10/08, Div. 8/10/09
Thanks for asking, I have to get some things straight in my head right now. I am fighting a battle in my head. I can see some of the things lately I have brought on by myself. You know the self fulfilling prophecy type stuff. I had what I think was a major slip up. I was feeling really low...Really uncared for and I contacted someone that I really should not have.(NO not the OM). Now she is worried about me. I did not tell her anything that has happened but she knows that I am not happy. She said she is always there for me and anything I talk to her about stays between us. Like I said I did not tell her anything except I was having a bad day.(yes Saffie you know who). My Mom is giving the hospital staff a bad time.. SHE WANTS TO GO HOME..they told her it may be another week. My youngest daughter called and told me about an ipod her BF bought her. I asked her where he got the money he has no job... She told me he sold some of his mom's pain pills... GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I am waiting for my wife to get through with her finals...I really need to talk..
Ok Native Unlike you... today when we (my wife and I) were coming back from my son's basket ball contest..(He came in third out of three people) I wanted to reach over and hold wife’s hand while driving down the road but I did not. I should have. But it was an opportunity lost..As for the OP I contacted....I am going to try to just let it go but she will be at a Xmas party we are going to next week. I know what you said Saffie, STAY AWAY... but I had a weak moment. I needed to hear someone say.. "Hey what's wrong". It's been over two years since my wife asked me how I am feeling. My wife is kind of trying in her own way. It's not enough for me though. Anyway today was a good day. we spent it together as a family. I bit my tongue when wife talked about son's low self esteem. I so wanted to ask her what she thinks her sleeping in his room does for his AND my self esteem? Ok I am rambling now.. Have to go get the camper ready son and I are 'Camping out" on the driveway tonight.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Ok Native Unlike you... today when we (my wife and I) were coming back from my son's basket ball contest..(He came in third out of three people) I wanted to reach over and hold wife’s hand while driving down the road but I did not. I should have.
It's so hard to know when, and if, it's the right thing to do.
Sometimes I wonder if W thinks it is out of desperation that I want this to work out. What she may not get is that I never stopped believing in us, no matter how hard it got. I never thought failure was an option. I imagine a lot of LBS's feel the same....
Last edited by native; 12/14/0802:27 AM.
Me 47, W 32,D 6, Met 11 yrs. ago, M 7 Bomb 4/08/08, Sep. 8/10/08, Div. 8/10/09
You've got to get a grip of this and decide what you want. You start getting the sympathy and attention from you know who and things will get oh so much more complicated, and your S will get caught up in the middle. You need to tell your W how you are feeling - she is not a mind reader. How has your communication been with your W recently, ( and you know what I mean!!!)? Are you communicationg properly about things still....not just avoiding issues for a quiet life? I know you have a lot on your plate with your mum and all....but letting communications slide will make things ten times worse.
If you are looking elsewhere for affection you need to let your W know that things have reached that stage...that you don't want to look elsewhere, but that you are lonely. Warn her at least. Then if she isn't interested in a R/M with you at least you can walk off with a clear conscience. Don't be tempted into something you know will be wrong. If you are going to think about going from one person to another do it with a good clear head....show your son how a real man should act.
I know this is so very hard....I am not judging you. I just know that you have always been a fair and compassionate man, and I think if you did something and got tempted you would be so disgusted with yourself.
Hang in there.....and be careful at that party next week.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I know this is so very hard....I am not judging you. I just know that you have always been a fair and compassionate man, and I think if you did something and got tempted you would be so disgusted with yourself.
Hang in there.....and be careful at that party next week.
Saffie,
I know everything you have told me is not jugemental so no worries there
I know, I caught myself... I am going to let wife know. I am going to tell her about the other person. (NO names). I am going to tell her that no matter how hard I try. Until we are together again, sleeping in the same bed, parenting our son together on the same side. Then in my mind it will still be her and the OM against me. I know (pretty sure) she is not seeing or planning on leaving me for the OM. I know (pretty sure) that she was looking for something and did not find it with the OM. But that is besides the point. It is just a fact that it happened and now in my mind she is no longer mine. She is trying in her own way but......it's not enough... Yes part of me has been avoiding rocking the boat. I can't believe how my family is so falling apart. Sometimes I feel like that guy at the circus spinning the plates. I have to keep an eye on all of them, not spending too much time with one or the others will fall. I don't want to do anything until my mom gets out of the hospital. On another front I think that the wife is wrapping herself up in these classes to avoid the sitch also. I am going back to my mom’s house for a few more days this week; her animals are starting to act weird again. They sense there is no human around and this weekend when I stopped by they would not leave me alone... Also I was waiting until Wife gave me the "ok " to talk that she was through with her finals but have deiced that the Stupid classes are not really as important as my family. I am going to send her a letter outlining my feelings. Letting her know that I am ready to file for a separation after the fist of the year if we can not work things out. NOT IN A THREATING MANNER.. just let her know this is how I am feeling.... I know now how easy an affair can be started. As you know from my past posts this is not the first time that I have come close to "falling off the wagon". It’s sooo tempting sometimes. Well I need to go help my son build a canoe for a class project. THEN help him with his map of South America. I think Saffie that part of my problem in the past was that I keep things in and then when I do try to talk I leave things too open ended. I wait for wife to reply or comment. Please nobody get me wrong... Things are way better that April 12,2007. But I want more. I want a life time partner...not just a friend..
Take care and don’t worry about the party. I am the driver and it is out of town so I watch my drinking closely. So I will not make any "drunken mistakes"
Love ya all Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Hi Doc, Just wanted to send you hugs and let you know that I've been thinking of you. Take care of yourself. Sorry that you have so much going on right now.
Hugs, Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
