I don't think you slipped too bad. The #1 thing to avoid is looking desperate or clingy. I don't sense any of that from your post.
I kind of like your quote about asking the kids who they want for father. Sure, we need to keep these conversations rational and civil... so can't let many of these sneak in. But making an occasional point through a little zinger that makes them think is not the worst.
I would like to suggest that you think about the role of the OM in your conversations. It seems like you consider it to be the central issue in the R right now. It's a big, big deal for you. But she doesn't even see the OM as an OM. To her, he is just a friend who happens to be male.
From her perspective, your comments seem overblown and borderline irrational. It makes you look insecure in her eyes, because you are clearly threatened by this guy who is only a friend. And, last, you look controlling to her... you are trying to demand who her friends should be.
Those things are all bad and work against you.
In my opinion, you should make a consious effort to suppress all talk about the OM. I've seen other people on this forum post that the LBS needs to 'outshine' the OP via their actions instead of trying to control the OM out of the WAW's life.
It also seems like you have the feeling 'if it weren't for the OM, my wife would be happy in her M and things would be good'. I generally view the OP as a <symptom>, not a cause. If your R were stronger with W, then OM wouldn't exist. If you actually manage to force the OM out of wife's life, then she would just find another. I read the quote: "OP's are like terrorists... kill one and another pops up".
Keep up the good work! Your conversation went well and these are just suggestions for the future.
My thread, Carpe Diem #4 Orig Thread: Carpe Diem #1
