Sophie, Please stop trying to analyze every move your h is making. If he's in mlc, he's on an emotional rollercoaster, therefore, he can't explain why he's doing what he is doing either.
Yes, they can appear just as nice as can be and flip to being nuts all in the same time period. Right now, I suspect he's being nice because he wants the settlement to go well and is hoping that you will not rock his boat. Once, you start negotiating and he sees that you are sticking to your guns, the Mr. Nasty may appear.
He's using work to keep from thinking about what he is doing. He is self medicating in a way. Some have the ow, gamble, drugs, drinking, etc. Your h is using work to help him keep his mind off of what he's doing to his family. He's actually suffering from depression and the masks he wears in front of you and others takes a lot of work. I bet when he's back at his place he's on a downer and stares at the walls or sits for hours.
The cry of he doesn't have any money is a come one w/the mlcers. He wants pity and he wants you to feel guilty for him having to pay you anything. Don't buy into it. The man does have money and he could very well be squireling it away or using it for his own comforts. Do not feel sorry for him....he created this mess, therefore he needs to clean it up.
The lawyers generally work up the settlement papers, after you tell them what you want. You generally get a draft copy, just as you would. Once the drafts are reviewed and the negotiations are complete and both parties are in agreement, they are then requested to sign and date them. At least that's how it's done in my state.
My advice, go on w/your life, enjoy the time w/your children and plan to stay busy over the holidays. It's a time to make new memories and to leave the old hurts and pains outside the door. I know that you are having a difficult time detaching, but you've got to find a way not to give him a lot of your head space right now, for he's just all over the place. There is no rhyme or reason for what he's doing and while he's being a bit irrational, you can't rationalize anything he's doing. Keep the focus on you and your children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
