Aussie Girl - Patience might finally be paying off

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Essie...

Um, there seems to be a lot of you talking about how yuo think HE feels (and I hear that when doing these kind of things, we can only really talk about ourselves..and not tell others how they are feeling) and also, lots of definitive statements, instead of just asking him how he is feeling? Like...

I think that we want different things at this stage in our lives, and I understand that you are busy and are enjoying being single

You dont know what he wants. Also, you dont know that he is busy, he may be stuck at home, also, you dont know that he is enjoying being single... so I think it would be better if you asked him how he feels about only seeing you every 3 weeks and is there a reason for that? Does he see taht continuing?

..and I support you in that decision.

ditto, maybe its not a decision he has made, more, all he can handle right now??

But it's not what I'm looking for. And seeing each other every few weeks isn't helping me. So I'd prefer it if you don't contact me.

Do you mean this? Its very black and white, plus, its a moving target.. its not what you want forever, but if he is willing to work with you in mending what you had, if he were to talk to you.. could you wait a bit longer, or are you done? Do you really want to tell him right now, you prefer him not to contact you? (cos he may take that on face value... and not contact you). You are closing down the conversation right there, is what I mean. He will probs go, ok, too much hard work, rejection, shes said she doesnt want me to contact her...

I cant imagine being divorced from you, I cant imagine it being the end of us. But I'm happy to sign the divorce papers if that's what you want.

Again... has he mentioned Divorce? So why say "if thats what you want" i'll sign? Why not ask him how he feels about how things are going, or if he has any thoughts about D?

If you decide you want to have another go at having a real relationship with me where we share the good and bad times then call me. I want you to be happy, but I also need to look after myself, and I think its time for me to move on

Again, this sounds very .. hard, kind of, I've pretty much given up.. as you end with "I think its time to move on" - thats pretty much what I hear in your speech, thats the essential message I am getting, and I am not even your H! So do you think thats what he will hear?

If you mean it, you are ready to move on.. go ahead and serve him that ultimatum!

Personally, I thikn you should ask him how he is, is he ok, is he happy with how things stand. If the answer is no, doesnt think its going anywhere, then you have you answer and yuo CAN move on. If he says no, but he doesnt know what to do.. then maybe you two could try and have an honest convo?

I just see lack of communication as the main problem all over these boards, and thats becuase usually, ONE of the partners is not emotionally intelligent enough, or able to express themselves (like your H!). They are full of fear! Glad you got to see him and do naughties in the pool though, I'd be cartwheeling down the street if my ex had wanted to do that with me.

Al xxx