I think my W's current relationship with OM started in around july - I moved into my new place in late September - they don't live together but he lives in same small village.
I think she sees it as a legitimate relationship, not an affair at all. In her mind we are separated and she has free reign to engage in a relationship.
but, she kept it pretty much under wraps until someone who did know, who knew that I didn't threatened her with exposure. She got a text message and I got a letter a few days later. So it was someone who was able to get hold of her mobile and our address.
That's when she told me. I don't know who that person was but I'm pretty certain it has to be one of her friends who my W obviously felt safe sharing the information with. My W was pretty upset about this!
Those few months were awful...as were the few weeks after i moved as the only viable way of spending any time with my son was to go to my old home overnight while W spent night with OM. She seemed to think there was no problem with that but for me, seeing evidence of OM in my house, 2 wine glasses drying, leftovers we would never ordinarily eat in the fridge, it was gut wrenching.
Things got better when I got my new place straight enough for H to come to me.
I think W and I are doing a fantastic job with H under the circumstances, although the real hurt and pain underneath my exterior is incredible. He seems happy and well balanced and doing well at school - we have an incredible network of friends who are looking out for him, although i do feel that he experiences more sadness than we realise.
On the phone call - i think you might be right - that she was looking to confirm the worst - not sure how she would have felt having found that her expectations were not met!
but another positive interaction all the same - even if not borne out of an entirely positive intention!
The challenge now for me is to figure out if its possible to move these interactions along...my gut feeling is that while OM is still in picture then that will be pretty much futile. I just don;t want her to feel too comfortable just being friends. On the other hand, in the big scheme of things, things still seem at a relatively early stage.
Many thanks for calling by...Best - KBO
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
