WAW - Possible MLC I need help, WAWs advice III

[FaithfulH]

LonelyD,

Sorry it has taken me so long to respond since AmyC asked me to stop by a few days ago. I immediately started reading your threads from the beginning so that I could understand your sitch.

I do have some thoughts to share. I will put a little bit of my story at the bottom of this post if you want to know.

I believe you are doing very well MOST OF THE TIME. You are at your best when you focus on God and what He is doing in YOUR life. You are at your worst when you let your emotions control you. On Dec 9th you asked if your anger was normal. I would answer "Yes"....but, it will slow your restoration. I had a HUGE anger problem that was one of the main reasons my W filed. God can heal you of that instantly if you seek Him. I'm not saying you will never feel anger...but, the change in you will be miraculous.

I am scared that I cannot love as deeply as before because I just don't want the hurt again. But as I read and heard somewhere, don't know where but recently, Unless you open your heart, you will not ever know love. My heart is open to a lot of things, Forgiveness will open it back up to her. That is the lesson for today.

LD, you DO get it! You understand that forgiveness is the key! Here are some things that helped me move forward:

• Let go of the feeling of offense towards your W. Her stuff ain't about you! Most of the time, she is not trying to hurt you. That is not her goal! She is seeking happiness (in all the wrong places but that's besides the point)...not trying to hurt you. AmyC can validate this
  
• Focus on you and what God wants to do in YOUR life! God has a plan that ONLY you can fill in your family and He is strengthening you right now for that plan. NOBODY else can play the role....only YOU!
  
• Assume your W is on a long trip, far away. This is different than "going dark". This is more about detachment. Here is an excellent link to better understand Detachment
  
• I do believe that you need to soften to your W. I get the OM part....but, why would she want to come home to you if you are hard, mean, angry, distant? The essence of what I am saying is that you need to show your W the same love that Jesus shows us....even though we don't deserve it! We're talking about UN-conditional love! Most of us know a different form...ONE-conditional love. What is the one condition? I'll love you as long as you love me back the way I want to be loved! You must start showing her unconditional love today! As believers, we are commanded to do so: Ephesians 5:25-27 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. Can you see the connection between your love and her healing? The OM does not have this same power!

I have a book suggestion which will help you see this more clearly...Love and Respect by Dr. Eggerich.

I want to leave you tonight with words of encouragement. You are doing well.....keep your eyes on the Lord. Check anything advice (mine included) with what God is telling you to do. In the end, I believe your marriage is going to be restored and you will PRAISE God for the miracle!

As promised, here is a little context so you know from where I came. In Sep '06 my W filed for legal separation and moved into an adjacent room in the house. One month later she changed it to a divorce filing. There never was an OM involved. In May '07 after nearly one year of separation, our reconciliation began. Our marriage is AMAZING today...but gets better every day!

Here is the beginning of my threads if you want the whole story: Wife of 26 Years Believes God is Releasing Her