Today i have been low, after 3 days of high. I have decided the H must be very involved with OW. This is based on not one ounce of proof. It is my stinky thoughts.
I suppose what does it, is that I just don't know what he is doing. I certainly don't ask, as he has been very vocal on it being none of my business. He sees it as controlling.
He does not call, text , email or visit. He has withdrawn from anything I am part of. It is so out of character for him. He is not his genuine self OR IS HE. Perhaps I just have never seen that side of him. I certainly dont like it.
I thought about why i was so high the previous 3 days and it was because after I rang H on 2 of those days for real reasons, the conversation was good, he asked how I was, he seemed interested a bit, he shared personal info and he seemed pleased that I had been to girls poker night (rather than just out ). He seemed to like to have that info. Another thing he did say ( quite tentatively ) was that he could have xmas morning with the kids and me. i did not read too much into that , as perhaps he was thinking about the kids . who knows.
i hate the not calling. I get so churned up about it. He does know , that in previous times he has left , that I have gone spare trying to track him down.
But in last 6 -7 weeks , I have not done this. i call for the MOST part , only when necessary. I am pleasant, upbeat etc.
I sent angry text last Wed, which i apologised for. A db backslide, so I am counting my days of successful Dbing since then which is 4. i have only one goal now, a baby step and that is for H to contact me. Once he does I will make another baby step.
Until then I will 1 Not contact unless have to 2. Look good 3. Be upbeat 4. Act as if there was not OW 5. No r talk - thats easy because i hate heariung what he has to say.
I do have a question for everyone:
Tommorrow H has hernia op. D18 taking him to hospital and collecting him the next day. So should i visit him. Should i offer for him to stay here to recoup for a couple of days ?
I have said to him to let me know if there is anything i can do. Was that enough. Would love some guidance please.
