I understand your union with your wife is over. The question is, what do you do to take care of/protect yourself when she does those things?
Have you ever attended Al-Anon meetings because of your wife's drinking issues? You learn lots of positive ways to deal with them and how to help your daughter. It's also a great support group. Like everything, some meetings are better than others.
You are right as it is about the boundaries I set. I am so patterned to think and act in a way where I don't cause any waves, that my boundaries get run over by XW. That is a critical part of my growth and development for sure.
Al-Anon is a very good idea that I've thought of, but only fleetingly in the past. Other support groups would help me too, but I've been so hesitant to start up w/anything b/c of the uncertainity of where I'll live if/when the house finally sells.
I guess like all things, it is being used as an excuse by me to delay going. Your words have me thinking...which is supposed to be a good thing, right?
Not much new to report. I had a good night w/D yesterday and we did our usual ritual of getting up early to drive the 40 miles from my house to her school.
She's in good spirits and didn't have any difficult talks w/ me last night. We talked tonight and she was in a good mood, so I can't complain.
On the XW front, I've e-mailed her about the house situation and received no reply, so I sent her a text today telling her we need to talk about the house as timing is everything in this awful market. The text went out around noon and there is no reply as of 10 pm here.
Any bets she'll continue to drag her feet and ignore things, then blame me in the end? I didn't think I'd get any takers.
Ok, I'm heading off to bed for now. Like I said, not much drama, so my post is a bit boring, I guess.
RTL, Wow, a 40 mile drive, it is too bad your ExW doesn't move closer, she should consider your D's life first before her own. I am sure it will take quite some time to sell your house if the market is anything like it is in this part of the country. Is she holding you up from putting it on the market? Did you get it in the final settlement or does she still have an interest in it? Are you expected to pay the mortgage?
RTL, You mentioned your XW drinking while you were going through the D occasionally. It sounds like it was a much bigger factor. Well, it is like my sitch, when you try to get in the way of someone's addiction, the addiction wins unless they truly want to kick it. It would also explain while XW found it necessary to constantly vilify you. She may have a strong bond with the BF because they share an addiction but eventually it will destroy both of them and you will be ready to take over with D. It is wonderful that you have such a great R with her and she feels safe telling you her thoughts.
No, boring isn't bad at all. However it does seem that these threads need drama at times or people stay away.
There has still been no word from her on the information on the house, so I'm in limbo. If there is still no contact by Monday, I'll tell her either she is in on these decisions w/me or I'll make them all on my own.
I'll provide her w/ a chance at input, but reality is I'm moving forward on this house and soon.
So, I'm a bit stressed. My credit score is screwed and there isn't a banker who will lend me any money to consolidate my debts and clean them all up. Know any bankers who know what DBing is? They may be able to relate to me.
Anyway, I'm here at school today firing through the last few papers and grades for the quarter before finals start on Tuesday. Not quite the most enjoyable way to spend a Saturday, but the work isn't going anywhere by itself, now is it?
Yes, XW doesn't care about the toll her decisions have on my time w/D. In fact, she expects me to soon fade from the picture. Not going to happen, but that is what she's hoping for.
As for the house, the picture is so very bleak. Arizona is 2nd in the nation in foreclosures, so the glut of bank-owned houses is killing my price by the minute. The house has been on the market since August, but she's been dragging her feet on everything, so it took longer to list and that may have been the window we needed to sell. Who knows? I'm expected to pay the mortgage as long as I'm living there and we have a 50/50 share in the place.
However, I'm to the point where we either need to look at selling short, or I'll just leave it all up to her to deal w/and move out. I'm done w/the place. Completely fed up.
As for XW's drinking, yes, I now believe she loved it more than our family and b/c BF is her new drinking buddy, she's happy to be w/him. I also think it will help to blow things up w/XW and BF and I fear for how that will impact D. I'll be there for her and continue to do as much damage control for her as I can along the way.
I'll always work to be a safe place for her. She's such a darling little lady and as her Daddy, it is my duty to keep her safe.
Hey Rob I feel the same! Guess people like to help and give advice, but if you accept its over, perhaps they dont know what to add?
Wierd that she would ignore your messages like that ?? My credit score is also screwed in the last year! I have a tonne of debts too as living alone as a student (which I wasnt banking on) since he left has been tough. Its only money though.. who knows what will shake out in the future?
So how are you feeling in yourself? Do you get chance to see people, go for a beer? Are you feeling lonely? I feel lonely alot and grab any opportunity to hang out with people, which usually means I have somehing on the horizon to look forward to. Thanks for sticking with me on my thread buddy!
Al x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Rob, I wish I could say something positive about the housing market...but it's just such a mess...who knows, though, things might start to turn around quickly after the new year - as much of the global malaise seems to be driven my fear as much as it is by the reality of the credit crunch.
And thanks again for checking in on me from time to time...this is a tough time - and a tough thing to go through at this time of year - but it does present the greatest challenge to what we can endure and overcome...and that's the plan...to find strength in this - be open to learning what I can...and insisting that I don't forget what I've learned...and you've been an amazing guide for me so far. I just wanted to thank you.
