Dude you need to slow down, man get ahold of yourself. I agree with Ian and others figure out what it is you want! You did it once and achieved a better you and in doing that actually won your W back. You admitted that you fell back into old habits and actions, she tried for 8 months and then gave up what did you expect her to do???
Stop reeling and spinning look into yourself put aside what your C is saying about it's over they don't know they are just speaking from what you are saying. What is inside of you??? You broke it off with OW why did you do that?? Is it because you want your M?? Did you do it out of guilt??? No one can help you until you are ready to help yourself my friend. Start at the beginning make a plan and goals.
Get right with yourself, forgive yourself for your actions and get that weight off first. Next decide your direction and stick to it you know how this works it's about you right now and your kids, time to man up and be the person you need to be.
IMHO breaking it off with the OW is a good start the ball is in your court so how are you gonna play it...
As you know we are here to help when you are ready to 'do work'..
Just one of those days, shes heading out to her 25th High School Reunion tonight, I hate the feeling when she goes out for the night, what am I to do, its her life.
Imagine how she must've felt when you were doing the same thing!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Have not written in a while, things are good one week the next week all hell breaks loose. Last week before I went to work, I walked into her bedroom to find out how things went with her class reunion, next thing I know, Im laying in bed with her and shes all excited to give me all the details of how she was the star of the reunion, I complemented her and told her that of course she would be the star since she is so attractive and very smart, she proceeded to show me the people from her Yr book, and the next thing I know we spent two hours laying in bed hugging, and caressing each other in a non sexual way. She proceeded to ask me why all this attention, things are not going well with OW? I just told her I love you very much and wish we could make it work, I said you don’t have to give me an answer right now, but as we go through this divorce if you ever have a second thought let me know, I would love to have you back in my life, THE END. I get up, give a kiss on the cheeks, told her I love her and went on my way. Next few weeks all is ok, just doing the dailys, kids, work etc.
Forward this weekend, shes going away to her yearly girls weekend away to our summer home, its also the 12th of the month, the day she gets paid and is responsible for giving me half of the household expenses, I call in the morning, I get no response until the afternoon, I’ll leave you a check on the kitchen counter. Im also upset since its not my day to pick our daughter from school, but she lets me know that I must, she has to make it to the ferry. I arrive at home no check, remember this is the second month that we have had an argument about the household expenses, I decide to call her on her cell, I get giggles and laughfter and the phone hangs up, I call again, same response, five minutes later I call again five times no response, now I’m in a rage I cant control it, I go trough her new wardrobe, I throw at least a thousand dollars worth of her new clothing in a trash bag and place it in the garage, for the next two hours it’s a back and forth of text and NASTY, phone calls, names are called, demeaning words are said by both of us, a couple of the girl friends get involved they also get my wrath. This morning I go to the pharmacy to get my prescription, I cant get its been cancelled, I leave her a message to let her know what just happened, ten o’clock this morning I get a call from her apologizing about laughing when I first called last night, that she would make sure the funds would be in the account Monday morning.
WOW. What have I done, I feel that I have blown any chances, I feel she might try to get a restraining order this Monday or Tuesday, just a feeling, she also mentioned it during the argument.
I seriously think you should let your W go with as much kindness and generosity as you can muster. Be her friend, but let her go. OW back in the picture says it all. You want it all, but you can't have it all. You're just causing your W confusion and pain, and it's surely not helping the children either ... they must know what's going on.
Your W said to you, "things not going well with OW?" That is a clear indication as to why she is acting the way she is ... it's because of your cheating. How can she possibly trust you? And, trust is a big issue in a marriage .... a stable one anyway. You say you love her, but I don't believe that. You just don't like to lose.
At any rate, I hope you wake up soon, but in my very humble opinion, there's very little hope. You can possibly string your W along sometimes, but I think there's very little point. Just let her go .... be the hero and be generous and wish her well.
I hope you can make a future with OW while being kind to your W.
On a personal level ... your posts truly confuse me. I'm not sure what help you want here. Have you contacted any of the counsellors here? They are better able to give you the advice you need. We, after all, are/have gone through our own stuff and pain and are only going on our own experience so may be way off base. Perhaps, the counsellors can ask you the questions we can't that will lead you to the answers you need.
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Working hard on my demons and it feels like things are slowlee moving with wife, just feel unconfortable when shes out and im home alone, I cant fall asleep untill she gets home, we have been cordial towards each other, but at times I feel like shes taking adventage of my niceness. This week I had my first phone call with my coach and feel positive since the call.
Things have gone well, we have been getting along and talking about daily things, she asked if she could have some extra cash for Xmas, which I gave her, I also asked her what she wanted; she informed me that she wanted a computer, which I spent two days doing research on. I informed her last week that I was going on a trip overseas; she did not seem please with the Idea, so I felt that the best thing to do was canceled until a later date.
I sent her a flower arrangement on Thursday, just to wish her a good day, for which a received no acknowledgement, until I asked. Last night was her day to be with my daughter, because of the snow storm I decided to go home earlier, my daughter asked me to take her to a friends house for a sleep over. When I spoke W I asked since no one would be home if she would be interested in going out for dinner, which she replied, I cant I have lots of shopping to do, afterwards im going over my friends Ds house. So I decided that I would go home and stay the night, around four AM, I hear my son watching TV in the family room, I woke up to find that my W did not come home, I felt since she had complained about the snow storm, I would call her to find out if she was ok. I received no answer, but left a message asking if she was ok, and to give us a ring that all was well. Since I did not get a response I went out looking to see if I would find her, I drove for 2 hrs, to no avail. When I arrived at home, I received a message that said, because of the weather I decided to stay out. Im crushed, I feel she shows no respect to me or our children, as a mother its her duty to let me or her kids know, not to just stay out without given us an explanation.
IMHO, I think you should just let it go. Pretend nothing happened. Continue to take your coach's advice. You should try and be the one taking the high road and doing what is necessary to show her that you will be trustful, faithful and dependable. Let nothing she does change that.
In the meantime, take care of yourself and have a Merry Christmas.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
