You were very insightful on your thoughts about "control" and your W. You can only control you, so it is good to get this into your thought pattern. Now the trick is to not only say it, but to own it completely. Once you can own it, you'll be free. It takes time and work. Give time and do work.
Life will sort itself out, so you just keep living for Carlos. There are many things we'll never understand, but we can control how we choose to feel every day.
If you are down, challenge yourself to rise up. Embrace the challenge and win this fight for you.
A better you is the key to future happiness...w/or w/out W in the picture.
In the end, there is only one guaranteed to be there...and that one is Carlos.
Lots of words to take with me there, Rob - and I appreciate every one of them....It was after reading your post early this morning that I saw my wife differently when she came by to drop off S2 - and I could see how much of her anger was about trying to control me...which is part of the reason I didn't just stand around waiting for her to find the sippy cup...and why it must have pissed her off that I didn't just give in to her like I had been for too long.
Once thing that's really becoming clear to me is how much I can do around the house and for the kids...and that I even had it in me to decorate the house for the holidays without her input...I used to assume that it was because of her that there was a festive side to the holidays over the last few years...now I realize that it's in me too.
Rising up and meeting the challenges of the day is so important and affirming...I have to remember that - and find a way to fight back to my strengths and embrace the challenges as you say. What better way to get stronger than to confront my reality ever day - and not just let it throw me down...it did that to me a couple days ago...and it was terrible...but over the last couple days I've managed to regain and rediscover my strength.
I still have no idea what will become of my M...but I do know that I can live without the person my W has become...and I do know that I can be very happy on my own and with my kids...Last light, as I went to the grocery store to pick up some food for our Christmas celebration this morning, I found myself just smiling as I walked through the parking lot...I used to smile that way when I would walk and think about my lover (my wife), today I smiled as I walked and thought about my self and my kids...not in an arrogant, delusional way - nor in a self-centered conceited way - it was a smile that came from deep inside of me - that part of me that reminded me that being rejected by my wife does not make me lesser of a man...rather...finding myself as I have over the last few months is finally giving me the opportunity to become the man I had always wanted to become. I still have a lot of work ahead of me in that regard, and I think being a better man will always be a work in progress, but I think I finally have the tools and the perspective to do it in a better way - and to offer a much better role model to my two boys.
Let's make these holidays our time to celebrate our lives and our children.
