Countdown to New Year, and fresh start?

[istherehope]

Hi Opt,

Thanks for stopping by. It's nice to hear from you:).

Pre-bomb H used to suggest that we renew our vows at some point, and I had often said maybe after we hit the 5 year mark...so that is in part where this idea comes from. I promise not to push it though or think that we can't have a great marriage without it. I would feel comfortable bringing it up if we had openly recommitted and he was wearing his ring again, because I know that it is something he used to want. However the timeline at this point is mine, and you're right that this is not necessarily fitting with him and how long he needs. I'll just play this by ear, and see how things go over time. I will be just fine without a new ceremony. I want the marriage, not the fuss, though I'd still have a great time with the fuss.

I am still feeling pretty yucky, but actually have had a pretty good day in spite of this. I went to town and did a small bit of shopping, then came back and cooked a quick meal. H said he wanted a lazy day, where he just hangs out around the house. So we watched a few shows together, and started planning some of the time that we will be in California. Two sort of major things (in my opinion, but not sure if H is even consciously aware of their import) happened this afternoon. First, to put the next statement in context, pre-bomb when H was downstairs and I was upstairs he would often call out sweet things like "I love the little". Well today he called out "I love the dorkness". For anyone reading this, this name is not abusive/offensive, so please don't take it as such; I use similar names with my H. Others may find using these kinds of nicknames problematic in their relationships, but I don't. Sorry if this sounds defensive, but I think situations always look different from the inside. So I wanted to share this because it was almost an ILY. I didn't know what to do and it caught me off guard so I just said "awww" in as sweet of a voice as I could muster. I wanted to say more, but I was trying to come up with something good to say and then it took so long that the moment was lost.

The second good thing that happened is that we were looking things up on my laptop together, and H looked up some video game website, and talked about how much he loved this particular game company. I said he should try to get a job there, and he said, "would you really want to live in X area?" I said not really but that I would go anywhere for his dream job. So the point from that is that in the way that he talks to me now there is the assumption that we will be taking the next step together. We will definitely, well almost definitely, both want to be leaving this country within the next year, so there is a new phase coming soon, an opportunity to start a fresh life, literally. More than just him making future talk with me, it was my opportunity to show the 180 again of being willing to move for him. I think it shows incredible devotion for a man to give up his career twice to move for his wife, and I would be more than happy to be the one to make the next sacrifice, though obviously I hope in the end we can find a place that we both want to live, and where we can both have rewarding careers.

Opt, sounds like your session with Jody went well. Are you going to post more on your thread? I like what she said about how talking about what went wrong could make the WAH feel guilty. For some reason I hadn't really thought of this, but it makes perfect sense. Good idea also to focus on the positives...

Anyway I am going to force myself to do a quick workout now as I feel so bad that I don't think it could do any harm! If it does, I have tomorrow to rest :).

ITH