Carp - I believe I can talk about this without my stomach turning. I noticed, when talking to my cousin, I felt some anxiety over things I did in the past I'm not proud of. I think I need to reconcile that and put it away.
I woke up this morning feeling different. I feel that, for some reason, I'm more detached today. Maybe it was the perspective I got last night, maybe it was another day away from W.
Puppy - Your right, and maybe I should have had this posture at the entire way. Focus on the M breakdowns and myself. OM WAS on his way out, it was just rushed. W wanted to move back in really fast and needed time to push OM out. Looking back, at times she tried but wasn't forceful enough. Looking at her emotional issues, this thing needs a lot of time if we are to reconcile.
Will be spending come time with my cousin before he leaves and maybe we'll talk about this some more but he did mention a "priority list" in terms of my W.
W needs to feel loved and seems to like the pursuing and ILYs to "twist her emotions". I'm not willing to do this any longer as it's fruitless to do so. Makes her believe it is all about my issues and not hers. Cousin said it works when she's in the "lonely and don't belong anywhere" cycle. He thinks I should wait for her which is a DBing principle.
I need to stabilize myself. I got sucked back into the drama of R when W said she wanted to come back. He thinks I use good DBing principles when we are toward D path but fall back into old habits when things are good. WORK ON ME.
He thinks getting W into counseling (IC) is paramount. W's emotional issues and bringing things up from years ago is a clear indicator of fear and bargaining. Bargaining = walls up.
Also said to look at A like this ... PA>EA> No A. Asked me to look at the cycle. Each time PA (R) breaks down with OM. W comes back and they have EA initiated by OM. Said I need to identify this pattern and become more studious of my W.
Thinks emotional issues should take precedence over DB principles. Would like for me to look at it more from the psych standpoint and derive facts from there. He thinks I was too textbook and not enough of understanding my own sitch (facts). W does W need friend so bad. This is the heart of one of her issues. Need this answer to really understand W.
He doesn't think "no contact" w/ OM will work. He believes that it will gradually fade. OM was pursuing but if everything is OK at w/ us then she will push him away. He thinks time is what's relevant here. Kind of a net effect thing going on in my W's head. More good days mean she pushes OM further away. Again, this is not DBing and I'm not going to let her "cake eating" happen in our M. Again, I think to myself, "who needs this?".
