GG - you are putting forth a good effort. you just hang in there. I caught up with the past week's activities and reports. Here's what I see:
your H sounds like an authoritarian. If he says, Go buy a box of chocolates, and you decline, he gets huffy. Well, in my house, that would be a cause for me to get up and smile, laugh, and then buy the box of chocolates myself. And my wife might have even made that direct suggestion to me, a bit impolitely. He does not seem to treat you as an equal.
you are pushing the R talks. Saying that you would rather have him home and in bed with you, saying you have needs. GG, we know you have needs, and he is vaguely aware you have needs. But he is not yet in a position to discuss them. You NEED to discuss these things, but NOT RIGHT NOW. What I mean is, you must be thoughtful about when to raise these things, and not do it opportunistically, or in the heat of the moment. Consider when it would be a good time to raise it, and do it then. In counseling? After a quiet dinner? etc etc. Also consider how to raise it. Obliquely? Directly? There is a guy I know who is a master at dropping gentle hints to his wife. He will hint and hint and hint, very gently. And then only later will he directly raise the issue. Would this work for you? Maybe consider just deferring the conversation completely, until later. Look for progress in other ways, and wait til you feel more secure about things before raising the "I have needs" conversation.
I know nothing, these are just suggestions and ideas.
PlentyHope - tell me more about this Love and Respect book and the theory around laundry. I used to be a guy who helped out quite a lot around the house. a TON. Diapers, cleaning toilets, laundry, ironing, dishes. "help around the house" is not the right phrase. Can you tell me the theory in the book.
