Mof3, Sweet - glad to hear you are seeing the sunshine break through the clouds. I gotta say, the stuff you describe, I had the same sort of gradual re-awakening you did. Mine did not involve "poker with the girls", but .. \:D heh heh, but you know what I mean.
Getting out and being independent is good for you. Hard but in a good way. I learned that being alone does not mean I need to become bitter or resentful. I can feel lonely without becoming bitter.

BM and HM and GG, - thanks for the words of support. You know there are a bunch of people who think I am nuts, including my best friend. Legally disarming - basically I am not playing the game as anyone expects. I am apt to tick off the judges, the evaluators, and everyone else. But you know, for myself, it's the principle of the thing. I don't like divorce attorneys, I don't like what they do, I don't like the system, and I won't participate.

Imagine you are walking through a city park at night and you are approached by a would-be mugger. There are some people who say - fight that sonofagun, scratch him and don't give him your watch and wallet. and if you have a gun, use it on him. I'm one of those people who cannot imagine shooting a person over the contents of my wallet. If he really wants my wallet, he can have it.

It's almost the same thing here. Or am I deluding myself? I don't really look at it as a personal attack. I think of it as a person lashing out and not really caring or seeing what she destroys or disrupts.

Once when I was 15 or so, my pet dog got his chain caught on a small sapling. We had chained him up too close to a small tree, and he got wrapped around it, and started to choke himself. He was obviously in distress, and I ran to help him, to loosen the chain and free him. He bit me so hard, I will never forget it. I thought I would lose my finger. I felt his teeth on my bones. This was a family pet, the nicest dog you ever wanna see.

Well how does that happen? How could he be so vicious? Easy: he was in great distress. I was trying to help him, but he didn't see it. He lashed out.

I turned back, found a towel, and ran to him again. I covered his head in the towel, and then freed him. Freed, he instantly stopped struggling. In a few moments he was as cheerful as ever. I was never afraid of him after that. He never bit another person, ever.

Ha! I don't mean to compare my wife to a dog! No, really! But the point is, in times of distress, people can do different things.

She's in a tough spot. I cannot cover her head and free her - though I tried my darndest. At this point I have to tend to myself and wait and see about her. In the meantime I will love my kids the best way I know how.

Today I have the kids. It is early saturday - they are all still sleeping. My daughter (10) wants to make some kind of pastry puffs, so I guess I will be doing some baking! Going out shopping for some skis for my 12-yr old son - a delayed birthday gift for him. Also the oldest needs a new winter coat, so that is on the list. And some last minute Christmas shopping. I'm looking forward to all that.