And it is also becoming clearer and clearer that this is all about the OW.
Yeah, all of our other problems were there, but I highly doubt he would have just thrown in the towel so suddenly if it wasn't for the OW. Suddenly, the problems that were livable were no longer livable - because he thinks the grass is greener now.
I think all of that finding himself stuff is a smokescreen. I never stopped him from doing anythig, from following any dreams. He and his low self-esteem and lack of direction stopped himself.
So enter the OW. Suddenly, the grass is greener. Suddenly, he doubts he knew himself when we got married. We rushed into it (I can agree in some ways, but whatever). He's unhappy. He has to walk his path "alone" to find himself. He's been kidding himself - about our marriage, about God, about family. He wants those things, but just not with me. We're too different. He can't provide what I need, and I can't provide what he needs.
Yep, it's the affair fog.
Here's this young girl that looks up to him, that he can help financially, that makes him feel important and respected and like someone special.
And so, like a fool, he runs to that. And he runs from me - as fast as he can - because he doesn't want to deal with being the bad guy. He doesn't want to think about it. He creates this new world in which he has his own place, has his OW, has his billiards room and his buddies - and still has me as a best friend, maybe even a best friend with benefits if he wants it. And he soothes it all by telling himself that he's setting me free. He's doing me a favor. He's taking control for once in his life.
When he was here last weekend, he made these speeches about how any woman in his life would just have to deal with the fact that we would always be best friends. He talked about how one day he and whoever he's with and me and whoever I'm with would all drive up to Tennessee to visit his mom's grave. And he's just enough in la-la land to believe it.
And hey, if we're friends, he doesn't have to feel so bad. He's not ending anything. He's just redefining relationships.
The fool.
I need to distance big time. Hell if I know how, but I do.
