His synopsis -W has extreme anxiety (agrees with Techguy). -I'm unstable or inconsistent at best. (what does that nerdy b*astard know Just kidding) - He sees me on a cycle as well. Thinks Gucci has a point about stopping cycling by asking myself "who needs this" and in Tech's comment "The person that cares the least about the M is always in control". - "Hard words" repel W. - If I don't stabilize myself, I'm screwed. I will get nothing stable from W. We were jumping right back in two days into reconciliation attempts. Asked why I let her stay over, knowing she had an affair, and broke up with the guy two days after asking to reconcile. My answer, "'cause I'm a dumb ass". -Feels I DID have expectations when W wanted to reconcile. Was looking at my word usage and punctuation. (WTF man, punctuation?) - Says that I gave W back control immediately once she wanted to reconcile. Points to "the date" that never happened. I let her pick what the date would be. The date amounted to hanging out at the house all day. We should have went "on a date" and I drop her off at MILs. Used the term, "play hard to get" but we know it's taking your life back. Said I ignored the advise of Puppy and Phoenix for this date. I never rationalized Phoenix's question about "can she do what it takes to work?". In retrospect, she can't right now. Again too fast. - I didn't read the signs warnings from board members which were very accurate. - Said I needed more time to decide on my plan before committing to date w/ wife. Said I new all the intel but didn't make a decision based on fact. Or, at least, my plan wasn't consistent with the facts. - Thinks that W's emotional issues suggest going against everything Dbing stands for.. Said my "joke" about pursing, immature love, ILY's was all consistent with my W's needs. I got a big laugh out of that but he points to the facts that she needs "something" to love. Said she needs a stable force in her life to get rid of the current feelings. -Said "baby steps" were mentioned numerous times but the facts indicate that no baby steps were taken. Damn, he nailed that. -He said we talk a about our feelings but nothing is never done. Points to our "needs" talk. Nothing ever materialized.
Wow, this is amazing analysis. Can I please borrow your cousin?
Seriously, reading this really helped. Getting perspective on one's life and aituation is such a huge challenge, and being able to stand outside of it and look at cause and effect the way your cousin did is extremely illuminating.
