It's Complicated!

[glamgirl]

Mo I understand what you are saying. I wish it were that easy. H does have his days with the kids, but if he says I can't pick them up what choice do I have. If I say well neither can I h, just find some help, he won't find the help. Then my s7 will be getting off the bus and nobody will be there.

I can't risk that. I am forced to step in. At this point I just try to do my best with my h for now. I do get dissappointed, but I do understand business and I know that in the kind of job my h has sometimes it is NOT possible to pick up the kids.

You are right though, he is the one that should be trying to get help and a text is not the appropriate way to say I can't get them today.

Someone on here said conflict avoider. That is exactly what my h is. So he text so he doesn't have to speak to me. How do you deal with someone like that. How easy is it to text vs picking up the phone and having a real conversation. Thanks PH for your insight.

I really wonder about my h. How can he progress?

[plentyhope]

GG, How about getting the Love & Respect DVD and watching that with him? Or better still ask him to attend a live conference with him or ask him if he'd join you in a L&R study group? The material will help you both understand the dynamics of conflict avoidance, and your need to talk with him, and can open up ways for yoy both to be able to meet each other's needs. E.g. you understand that he means well by avoiding conflict, and he understand your need to resolve it. In the end, there will be a compromise, where he will sometimes meet your need to resolve the conflict, and you will meet his need to "drop it" at other times....

[glamgirl]

Thanks PH I am going to check out more of the resources. I do have the book and workbook. I have read the book, the workbook went on a shelf, but it might be time to pull it off the shelf.

I will look for a workshop in our area. I just feel so helpless today and thinking I am just avoiding the inevitable.

I never heard from h yesterday. He could of called on his return from dinner. I am sure he is all holed up in his cave mad at my comments the other day. This is how he deals with it.

Not sure what to expect for today, but I am not going to let it affect my plans.

[MidwesternGirl]

"Now he is showing such great compassion for a man he hardly knows. I don't get it. It's as if he can have NO compassion for me. It's like he is so cold and hard towards me."

My take is this: No strings attached with the co-worker and no feelings or responsibilities. With you and the kids there are all of those things and he cannot always deal with it.

[plentyhope]

Not sure what to expect for today, but I am not going to let it affect my plans.

GG, Good for you. Just let him think through things a bit. He will come through just like the other times, and then be sweet to you again. Hope you have a great day.

[Molly44]

Mo I understand what you are saying. I wish it were that easy. H does have his days with the kids, but if he says I can't pick them up what choice do I have. If I say well neither can I h, just find some help, he won't find the help. Then my s7 will be getting off the bus and nobody will be there.

You enable him . You problem solve for him

If he cannot meet his responsibilities with the kids , then take it off him. Do not involve him with childcare. It might cost more but this mess will get costly. It might be all he needs to wake up a bit. you seem needy and dependent of him. Start standing on your own 2 feet.

I think your H has not left the house but he may do. act as if he has already. He may just need the break.

[glamgirl]

Mo my h is not living in the home. We are trying to reconcile. Childcare is costly, so spending more is NOT an option right now. I am trying not to be needy, but I do need to lean on my h.

He is more involved now than he ever has been.

MWG this is interesting about not strings no responsibilities. You are right, when it's me then he feels the need to take on more of a burden.

Thanks PH for stopping by.

[glamgirl]

Ok so I text h in the afternoon and ask if he is getting the kids today. He called about an hour later and asked what I was doing.

I just happened to be in Victoria Secret at that moment. I was picking up some body lotions for stocking stuffers.

I was near the house, but really wanted h to manage the kids today. H says meet me at the Deli place for dessert. They have a great coconut cake that we love.

So I meet h and he is in a great mood. He starts telling me about his work yesterday. It was very involved and he was in a business meeting and they said we need to meet now, so h said he wasn't able to call only text.

He was carpooling with executives and he said he couldn't call to say could you get s7. How would that sound when he is suppose to be working, not taking care of his kids during the day.

H then when ahead and got s7. We finished getting some stocking stuffers for the kids stockings and I made a nice dinner for the family.

H was in a very good mood. Said he loved me. We were laughing most of the night.

H took us shopping in his new car. He was like some teenager with his car, but I have to admit it is a nice car.

When he left he said, have the kids ready at noon on Sat. He is going to take us bowling. Then he will be over on Sunday and we are having photos of the kids taken.

Ok so I guess h isn't mad any longer. It should be a nice weekend.

[glamgirl]

Comfort in the Storm

In every life there will be storms; those inevitiable moments of uncertainty, turmoil and strife.

God's gifts to his children - and you are his much loved child - are found in his words of comfort, strength, and insight that help you build bridges of love and face life with insight and poise. But the greatest gift of all is his very presence in your heart and life. He never leaves you nor forsakes you; God is always there for you.

Whether the sun is shining brightly or you are facing swirling winds and driving rain, experience God's comfort and guidance today as you follow his paths of peace.

[Truelove]

Hi glamgirl,
Your H's actions sound so positive. I hope it will continue.

Have a lovely and happy week-end. (((HUGS)))