Still here, Being Me! Just kind of busy this week. I need some feedback and advice here, folks. I had a discussion with STBX tonight which resulted in her hanging up on me. It was about D14 losing her cell phone. First STBX and D14 had an argument as STBX somehow thought it appropriate to remind D of all the things she has lost probably stretching back to her toddler years. Guess what, D14 responded angrily and STBX got into the anger mode and whoopee!!!! Afterwards STBX called me to inform me that D had lost her cell phone over a week ago and had failed to tell us. We talked about it and STBX told me how angry she was and how this child is constantly losing things that we have to pay for blah blah blah. I told her that I understood her frustration and it frustrates me too but then asked her what we can do about it. It got heated after that! I told her that I did not think it helped the situation to be bashing her with all the things she has forgotten, STBX told me she was "angry" and i said "I understand that but what is anger getting you? Do you want to disown her? So what then is the solution" I told her that we also have to remember that teenagers are notorious for forgetting things, it's a fact of life. STBX always refuses to let little things like stages of development get in the way of her attacks on D. She then said "Oh, well you can just keep on being the understanding parent, I'm not willing to do that" I told STBX that this constant bashing and anger is not good for D14 and that something needs to be done here, this can't go on. Well, it continued and I suggested we sit down with D and try to come up with some ideas together, STBX said she was sick of talking and then said "Why don't you come up with something, Mr. Brilliant" and then slammed the phone in my ear. It's kind of funny because STBX is complaining because D won't accept responsibility for her losing things and gets mad when you point it out, yet, STBX gets won't accept responsibility for dealing with her own anger and flips out when you point it out to her! And yes, I did try to empathize and tell her that I too am not happy with D's continual loss of things but I refuse to bash the child over the head with everything she's lost in her life. How the heck does that help anything? STBX just can't walk away when angry, she lashes out and the kid is already defensive and lashes back or vise versa, but either way STBX has to control her anger and she won't. Her view is that if the kid stops losing things she'll stop being angry. It's the kids behaviour that forces her to get angry!!!! Give me a break. We've had these discussions before and I once told her "I think we should be holding ourselves to a higher standard of conduct than we would hold a child to" What a bastard. So tomorrow I have to take the kids over to STBX's house for a big showdown. Right now, my D's pissed at me and so is STBX, it's a great position to be in. I tried to discuss calmly with D how frustrating this was and the need for us the three of us to sit down together and work something out without anger and bashing. Pooh pooh on that idea! I'm alone on the front here and the two sides are moving in for the kill!
