Another Wife Hit by the Bomb Thread #5

[Tawnya]

OK..so I call my mom and I'm just crying..I said "mom I am NOT okay"..and I tell her what's gone down..she's very sweet, asks me if I want to come over, I said I just want to get this convo with hub over with..he may be leaving tonight, I dunno..we talk about how stupid it was for hub to open the check acct with our address on it..LOL..she tells me to hold onto it and not give it to hub (which I know will freak him out)..she said it's good evidence in case I ever need it..which I decided I would do and hid it

So, hub comes home, first thing he asks for is the bank statement, tell him I'm not giving it to him..whoo..he tripped. He said he'd tear the house apart, I said, whatever, I am gonna make a copy first..it came to my house, you put some other chick's name on MY address, no way are you getting that back right now. Anyway..at some point this stops being the issue and we talk..

I wish wish WISH I had a tape recorder to have recorded this discussion that went on for around 2 hours..he talks about why he's unhappy and wanting to leave, really random reasons, but I told him I understood: 1) I didn't keep up with the house enough 2) I bleed thru money 3) He couldn't be himself around me. Anyway..I validated..told him I had work to do on myself just like he does on him..on it went..

So, then it turns to money, doesn't it always? At first he's flipping that I say that he told me that I could have enough to pay the mortgage even after we divorced and so that went round, turned out, in the end, we sat down and "talked" about what he would put in a separation agreement, not a bad deal for me really, I could stay in the house with the kids, he would basically pay for the mortgage until our son, 12, turned 18, at which point we would see what we wanted to do with the house from there, other stuff, but that's the biggie..

OK..the thing I'm PROUD of saying, really don't know why I said it or where this "confidence-ishness" came from, but I think Sandi would be proud most of all, this is close to what I said, before I have told hub that I am worth fighting for, etc, but tonight I said, "you know what, I AM worth it. Not that you haven't made me feel worth it for the past 20 years, but RIGHT NOW, the person I am now, I think I'm the prettiest I've been in a while, I've lost weight, my hair is longer and I like it and the color it is, I'm the nicest, calmest, best ME I've ever been and I think you'd be stupid to let me go and not want to be married to me!" (how do you like that? LOL)

So anyway, as we are sitting down talking about the separation and stuff he says, more than ONE time during our convo, which really threw me for a loop, he said "IF it gets to the point of the final divorce stuff" and I said one time, "IF it does?" and he said, "yes, I could wake up one day and have a revelation that I made a mistake" (hello..been saying that myself to him for the past few months) and I asked him, "if you realized that, would you tell me or would pride get in the way?" and he said that if he really realized he had screwed up big time he would tell me..I think I said something after he said he could wake up one day I said, "hmm..if you did, there would have to be a LOT of discussion going on and I wouldn't be sharing, I don't think I'd just take you back no questions asked" (Actually I fibbed, I like that comment too LOL)

HE also, I don't think, has any idea where he'll even go, if he goes anywhere, in moving. I did tell him something that we actually talked about on someone's thread just today..I said, "you know, if you move/when you move, do a favor to you, her family and our family and really take some time just for YOU..you need to know where you really are, where your head really is, to be fair to all of us and yourself.

I told him that I think he should take the dog (some of you guys and I had talked about that last week..so thank you for the standing firm suggestion) because he's too big for the kids and I to really handle, he doesn't really listen to us, so he should be planning on taking him, he said ok. Then we actually started JOKING around about how he wanted to take one of the cats we have too..and I said "nope..that would be a deal breaker for sure" and even just a few minutes ago, when I thanked him for us having a decent discussion and listening without a bunch of crap, he said "Mac and Jack" (Mac is the cat and Jack is the dog) he said, they should both go with me, it rhymes and I said smack rhymed too..could I give him that?

I told hub I really think that he should take chick off a joint account, that she should get her own account if she needed another one, I told him that was stupid because what if she decided tomorrow she wanted to rip him off and take the money..then what? I said it was also stupid that this chick's name is now hooked to OUR address and what that could mean, I have no idea, but I didn't like it. He agreed that it was stupid and said he would take her off..but who knows if that will really happen?

I still told him I really thought it was disrespectful for him to take OW on this trip, but I know he will do it anyway, told him that I would be out of town next weekend too and for him to make sure to call the kids to check in on them while he's gone next weekend.

I did tell my hub, not that I expected a response (I told him), but I just rambled for a minute about how it stunk to be the LBS because you are the one still here with all of the responsibilities that normally were on 2 people's shoulders.

So..he talked to son after all that..he told son that this chick was just a friend..I kinda clarified with son that, while this may be true, that married people should be friends like that with their SPOUSE first, not another person like that.

Anyway..so..if you are STILL here after all of this, thanks for reading and listening and for being there!

Tawnya