Is she is or is she ain't (my baby)?

[sleeper]

I've had a couple of realizations......

In the beginning of this the counselor (who has known X for years) said, "It's going to be OK, X has a conscience." I didn't quite understand what he meant at the time.

Many things X has done that I didn't understand I now realize were motivated by guilt.

X has wanted me to take food home when I pick up kids.

X wanted me to date others to the extent of trying to fix me up with someone.

X has often mentioned homes for rent near her (I (and kids when I have them) are in a less desirable neighborhood).

X has often commented, "I don't want to hurt anyone."

This could go really deep as much of the tragedy we have faced in our marriage was due to choices she made.

This realization has cut two ways as I don't want her to come back to me due to guilt.

This realization also angers me to some extent.

Whatever the reason (pride?) it's what is needed now.