I've been discovering some of the same sentiments that you discussed. I've been initiating more contact with wife, but always in a confident, fun way. She's depressed\MLC too. And it's been working (I think).
It's like sgctox posted on some other thread here... You can't just be dark all the time. You need some kind of interaction to build an R at some point. It's just more a question of trying to determine when spouse is 'ready'. And then keep it to slow, small advances.
My thread, Carpe Diem #4 Orig Thread: Carpe Diem #1