I called H yesterday to ask if he had managed to get a light bulb for a special light (he offered to get it for me).
We made tentative plans for him to come and see me around lunch time today. About 9am the next door neighbors little boy came and knocked on my door to say that their house was flooding and could I come and help. H is friends with these next door neighbours. Anyway I went and tried to help the next door neighbour wife turn off the water mains but couldnt do it. Next door neighbours wife was panicking and stressing. Anyway I called H and he offered to come straight away and help - which he did (he is nice and handy to have around sometimes!). Bad thing was I was sweaty dressed in crappy clothes and covered in mud! (why does this always happen!!)
To distract H from the mess I suggested we have a swim - which was nice and we ended up having sex in the pool (was fun, but several times I thought this is a bit strange that I'm with H and we are having sex in the pool in the middle of the day!!) - Bizarre!
I teased him a bit about being in his man cave. I think it was funny, but maybe I went a bit far?!? Anyway at least he knows that I know that he needs space after he sees me?!?
Its so nice when I see him and we have so much fun together, but I instantly get clingy and dont want him to go. I'm good at acting, but I hate that it still shows through. He initiated all physical contact, and he told me that he really cares about me. Which I think is a positive - being truthful and not saying that he loves me, just cause he thinks thats what I want to hear..... I'm not very confident of walking the line between making it safe for him to be with me and encouraging him vs. coming on too strong and putting too much pressure on him.
He also asked if he could take the CD's of our travel photos (we traveled around the world for 18 months) cause he wanted something to look at at home. I'm not sure what that means. I gave him his travel diary a couple of months ago and I think it made him feel a bit sentimental and helped him remember all the good times etc. And he also took the last box of his stuff. Nothing more of his here, except zillions of photo albums that we don't know how to split up (we both love photography - well actually I love taking photos, he loves buying cameras).
We also have weird conversations about guys liking me, and I told him I'm going to Cirque Solei tonight and he said "can I ask who with?", and then asked me what I thought of his best mate and if he was good looking. (Its like I want to scream - 'You dummy, I love you!').
I joked about the man cave a bit more (too much I think in hindsight, but at the time it seemed OK). And as part of that I told him that he's a dork sometimes (he looked slightly hurt / surprised by that). At another point I told him that I still have a mug that he hand painted (you know those shops where you can go and paint a plate or a mug) that I was saving so that if I was having a bad day I could smash it (true!). And he said that he hoped that he was being nice enough now that I wouldn't have to smash it.
I said that I might not see him before Xmas etc, but he said that he would. SOOOO confusing!! Well its not really, it comes down to I like him and like being with him and want to see him more often, in some sort of pattern that I can anticipate and feel more secure. He's not sure what he wants, he like being with me, but not if its too risky, so he doesnt call me. And if there is too much intimacy then he has to pull away.
And I think he is getting the message loud and clear that I want something more, and so he will pull away again now (damn - I don't know how to play it cool but not reject him).
On the positive side I didnt make one comment about our anniversary. Surely that counts as being a little bit cool, and not too clingy?!
