Trying2Live-Post #6

[TxMomw/2girls]

Ok here is the letter from my girlfriend to my H... Names have been changed.. She just went back to her H a week two weeks ago. My H hasn't said anything about this letter he got Tuesday.. read my update thread I made some comments today

Hi Jon,
I had a hard time deciding if I should even email you because what you are going through and what you decide to do is none of my business. I know I don't know you that well, but what I do know is that we are going through something very similar. You are probably at the stage where you think whatever people are telling you doesn't relate to you. That your situation is different. No one understands how you really feel. You might not even want to read this and delete it before you get to the end because you know what you are about to hear is going to be hard to face and think about. I know TxMom very well and knew how happy she was when she met you. Everyone could see what a great match you were and you both seemed truly happy. TxMom was smart to not give into the pressure of age or peers to marry the first person that came along. She wanted to make sure it was real and that she would love you forever. You and TxMom have a great foundation, something that a lot of marriages lack.

The emotions that you are feeling now with this new person is what you felt with TxMom. You can get that back. That new feeling with the affair will eventually fade and you will be faced with so many additional pressures and problems, guilt, jealousy, kid issues, money, and the list goes on and on. I have not talked to one divorced friend that doesn't say it's horrible, hard, and if there's any chance your marriage can be saved to try your hardest. Even ones that are happily remarried (or at least think they are) say in confidence that they regret leaving their marriage for the person they're with now.

Of course you've told OW what you need to be happy and what was missing in your marriage, and I'm sure she is giving it to you with complete effort. The problem is those things that she's providing will satisfy you and make you happy for now, but won't solve the issues that arise after the effort stops and you're left dealing with the same problems and issues that you face in any marriage. You will have the same issues with her and because of the added pressures that come with a divorce, it will potentially lead to another divorce. I've realized a lot of what I went through had to do with realizing what I need to change about myself and how to have good communication. It's so much easier to blame others though. Being blessed with children and a wife who just wants to love you and accept you and your mistakes means so much.

I could go on forever about my situation, but I really wouldn't know where to begin or end. It was just so easy to get caught up in it all. The feelings and emotions felt good. Being wanted so badly by someone else is flattering. My relationship went on for over a year. I really thought he could solve all my problems and that I could be happier with him. I know I truly loved him, but you can love more than one person in a lifetime. Some people are just in love with being in love. We are probably both very passionate people that need excitement, the feelings that the affair brought us. But, what I had to realize it's temporary and it will fade. Is it really worth losing it all to get right back where you started?

When our divorce was about to be final I completely freaked out. I knew my H had moved on, was dating and he knew that he was going to be fine. The thought of him with someone else, my kids having a step mom and so many other thoughts went thought my head. We married who we are with for a reason. I went back to those reasons and realized those out weigh the negatives that are most likely easy to fix. Every relationship and marriage is going to have problems. I figured, why not work on the one I already had that brought me happiness, wonderful kids and a great life to begin with. The thing that you hear over and over about marriage can be better after an affair can actually be true. My H and I have talked more in the past five days and discovered so much about ourselves and each other and what we need to have a happy fulfilling marriage. It can and will only get better.

I am only wanting to tell you this because I wish I would have done this months ago to take away some of the pain I put him through. The saying you don't know what you've got until it's gone hit home with me big time. The thought I really almost lost him devastated me. TxMom won't wait around forever. She has handled this situation with so much pride, dignity, class and complete unconditional love for you. That is hard to come by. It only describes what type of person she is and what you have and what you could potentially lose. I know exactly what you're feeling and what you're going through. You re a good person with a big heart that I know will freak out eventually just like I did. TxMom is a strong person that will be fine and make someone very happy if you choose to move on.

I knew I could never really go through with it because my guilt would never let me move onto another productive relationship. I know you are probably at the stage where you are even questioning your love for TxMom. It's being smothered by new love, flattery, sex, emotions, but I promise it's still there. Can you really just walk away from your marriage not knowing that you did everything possible to save it? Can you really have a good relationship with someone else not knowing that you everything you could? I am so grateful my H even gave me a chance. That chance might not be there for you as time goes on. Just please take some time to remove yourself from your current situation to really think about it all. It's hard to do that if you are around OW all the time with her pressuring you. She has to be Ok with giving you time to process everything. If she's not Ok with that, is she really someone who truly cares about you and even a good person deep down that you could be risking everything for? Just do some soul searching. TxMom and your wonderful children deserve that. If you ever want to talk I would be happy to. I just want the best for you both and would love to help in any way I can.