So glad you are back! No kidding about tailspin. I am much better now.
Very astute of you with the pent up frustrations. I think you nailed it. And thank you for helping me see the positives. (Others tried and I thank you all, too.)Now that feel-sorry-for- myself-day has ended, I can see them much more clearly.
Clearly, missing a week's worth of runs does not help me, either. Between the rain and work, I have not run in two weeks. I will NOT let that happen again.
Talking to my DB coach helped quite a bit. She told me that it is okay from me to contact H, given our circumstances (his likely depression/MLC). I told her I had been hesitant to do so because I did not want to pursue him. She said to recognize the difference between calling/emailing to tell him I love him, need him, miss him, etc. and emailing about gardening, or having a coffee. She said it's not a good idea for me to just drop out of his life.
I have decided it is like there is a thread between us and I have to learn to keep the tension just right. If I pull too much, he'll pull in the opposite direction and it will break. If I do not pull at all, he'll just float out there. So, I just will work on experimenting to find the right amount of pull.
This made me feel better because I feel like I can "do" something - take a step, now and then. So for now, he said he'll contact me, so I'll give him that chance. Frees me up to think about me.
In the meantime, have a busy day planned tommorrow (time to get a bit more blond, have a serious run - and no pussyfooting around, I will run at least a 5K (sad, sorry short little run, but I have to work my way back to 10K's) and take mom out to dinner. Sunday, another run and then a riding lesson.
