If that post I sent to lovehimso that I thought was you, and it wasn't....so I sent it to you.....and it still wasn't the right person......I wonder who the heck I was suppose to send it to??? Man, to think I wasted all those words! (lol)
To tell you the truth, there are three or four of you that I am talking to whose stories are so much alike until I am sure that i did get it confussed. Maybe somebody will stumble across it and think..."Oh, that must have been for me". (lol)
Well, okay, now to get a little more serious. You know, I asked AmyM to come visit you b/c you were having a hard time detaching and you said things that made me think of her in the beginning of her thread. I wanted you to see not only what a terrific gal she is, but that she is coming out the winner in her stitch. Yes, they are getting a D. However, he is the looser (the jerk) and someday he will wake up and ask himself how could he ever have been such a fool. But, he will have messed his life up so much by then.....and the thing is....Amy is going on with hers! She has decided that he will not ruin her life and that she can make it without him and can, in fact, be happy without him a part of her life. I assure you that was not her thinking not long ago. She has "grown" as her own person that much in just a very few weeks. And, Kristi, you can too! She was just as discouraged as you are. She loved her H so much she didn't think she could breathe without him. But, she learned that she could. She has learned a lot and I am so proud of her that I could pop!
I think I told you.....maybe not....but I have told so many that DBing is for YOU to survive and come out a winner. You went into this thinking it was going to change him....or that you were going to change him. You made the statement that nothing is going to change him. The point was not to change him. The point was to change yourself.
I can see where the two of you have a very toxin R and talk about pushing buttons.....wow, I would think you both took the prize, but you don't. You see, there have been too many just like you before you came along here to join our community. So, the help is here for you. Just you sweetheart. We can't help him. But, there are a lot of us that would like to help you if we can and if you will let us......and if you will work with us.
I know you are full of so much anger right now. I don't blame you. Knowing my temperment......I would be worse than angry! Maybe the punching bag would be a good idea. You want to hear something funny? I had just posted to a young lady that is going through much of what you are with her H being so angry and I had just suggested that she buy him a punching bag and gloves. Then I suggested that she go to one of those kick boxing classes or self-defense classes. I would love to do that b/c they say it makes you feel so great! Anyway, when I read what you said about the punching bag, I couldn't help but laugh. In all seriousness, you do need to find something to channel your anger. Amy runs and I think that has helped get a lot of her frustration out of her mind, body, and spirit. If that isn't your cup of tea.....find something that is. I plead with you to do that b/c your anger is going to end up hurting your kids. You won't mean for it to.......but that is what will happen. I know you don't want that. To harbor so much anger for a long time is very, very dangerous to your health and to your kids. It will come out....some way some how. In harsh words, attitude, having a heart attack.....anything. So, I plead with you to try to find something to beat on until you feel better.....LOL (just not a person...that might get you into trouble).
I am glad to hear your response to Amy and Puppy and hear you say that you aren't giving up. Life goes on. I know, I know....easy words for me to say. You probably want to vomit hearing clichés like that all the time from others. But, it is true and some day down the road, you will be the one trying to give enough hope to some discouraged poster, telling them not to give up and to hang on. You will make it through this, Kristi.....you will.
You take care of yourself and those kids. Find some funny movies to watch and good mystery books....humor, whatever that will help you to forget about all this other junk. You need a break. That is why you were so upset over not getting to have "Your weekend" b/c you are worn out with all this mess and you need a break from it all. You are also mad b/c it seems like life is being very unfair to you and showing favor to your H where freedom and responsibility is concerned. Don't worry, what goes around comes around. Oh....another cliché ...oh well. Guess I just better shut up and go.
Do take care of yourself. Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
