For the Guy with Kids and a WW Twenty One

[hopeful4her]

And well, she did call. If she takes you a bit for granted, maybe that's not completely her fault?

You confused me with that one.
Do you mean because she is a f*cktard?

[karen43]

And well, she did call. If she takes you a bit for granted, maybe that's not completely her fault?

You confused me with that one.
Do you mean because she is a f*cktard?

Well, that too. But I meant at least from what you post here, you sound like you are kind of always going to be there for her, or at least your actions with her would lead her to think that. I know that at some point you will drop the rope and get with a B or a K or an N, but she probably doesn't realize that or that it will upset her a lot I think. Karen

[hopeful4her]

I'm determined this time, karen. I am determined to drop the rope with her. If that means that it leads me further along to D, then so be it.

I feel pretty confident that me dropping the rope or pulling myself away from her will have the desired effect that it should, but I am going to continue, until MAYBE I see another chance to 'attack'

She's not missing me and I don't think she will let herself miss me. And I truly believe that if she gets money from her father's estate, my goose is cooked for sure.

I need to contact her to discuss the kids presents. I don't even want to do that, but I need to. Probably today.

I put the lights on the trees outside today. Think I'm gonna skip the lights on the house, though. My bud lent his extension ladder to another guy, and I'm just not feeling it anyway. I'm just doing it for the kids. I got the Christmas decorations inside the house ready for the girls to decorate and we'll go get our tree on Sunday after we visit my parents.

BTW, had a lot of fun last night. After work, I was the first to get to Saltgrass. I called in a reservation, so it was only a 40 minute wait this time. Waiting outside, sitting on a bench and drinking a beer, a lady struck up a conversation with me. She asked me something about my boots, which led to us talking. Where we're from, if I was Italian(my ancestry is Canary Island, so I have Mediteranian features)and shopping for our kids. She was with her mother, who was on the phone the whole time. I told her I was waiting for others. The gorgeous P was the first to arrive and that stopped her conversation with me. We hugged each other and talked for a bit and then they called my name. The lady looked like "Wow, she is pretty". On the way inside, I told her it was good talking to her.

Inside, we sat next to each to each other and then B and K showed up. I like P alot. When we used to work with each other, years ago, she was single and I was married of course, but there was always a little 'something' there. Fellow co-workers at the time used to try to start rumors back then, but I was definately happily married, so didn't think much of it. I always made her laugh and she is the type that leans into me when she cracks up.

Even more so when we drink.

She is 8 years older now and seems pretty happily married. It was nice to see and talk to her again. She reminds me exactly of the wife. Same personality and very close to the same features physically that I like. Almost the same age as her, too. Two years younger and like I said before, we have the same birthday.

But....not looking. It was just nice, you know?

The conversation with the woman outside made me feel good, too. Made me think that it is actually pretty easy to just strike up a conversation with someone. She was not a beauty. She looked like a 'mom', for lack of a better description, but really, really nice and friendly.

And to me, nothing better than a Saltgrass ribeye and a beer. Only problem is, I forgot to get my damn cake.

[InLikeFlynn]

my ancestry is Canary Island, so I have Mediteranian features)

So what do they call themselves in the Canary Island's? A Canary?

[hopeful4her]

Fuuuunny.

Canary Islander's.

I feel pretty confident that me dropping the rope or pulling myself away from her will NOT have the desired effect that it should, but I am going to continue, until MAYBE I see another chance to 'attack'.

Thats what I had intended to say.

[karen43]

Fuuuunny.

Canary Islander's.

I feel pretty confident that me dropping the rope or pulling myself away from her will NOT have the desired effect that it should, but I am going to continue, until MAYBE I see another chance to 'attack'.

Thats what I had intended to say.

I kind of think dropping the rope will benefit you the most as it has done me. It's less stressful if you're not holding on to the rope, checking the rope, analyzing the rope, etc. It's for you to have more peace & serenity in your life. If your W is able to see that you are not pulling on the rope maybe she will react in a positive way and maybe not. But you won't care as much about her reactions then (or shouldn't anyway)!!! Karen

[hopeful4her]

Howdy folks. I was trying to stay away for a spell.

Been trying my drop my rope with the wife and doing it pretty successfully. I've had just a few instances of contact with her since last week, and it all was in reference to the kids. No chit chatting at all.

I did try to call the girls on Saturday. I think that was the last time I posted here. I called her apartment with no answer and then had to leave a message on her cell. She called me later, around 5 or so. I was getting ready to go out again. Turns out she had to work. She said the kids must have been outside playing or something. I told her that I just wanted to talk to D11 about the movie "Twilight" that I was told they were going to see on Friday. She said that they did go see it and that she really liked it. Pretty much a chick flick. I asked if D7 was scared and she said no. I asked if she had gotten any Christmas gifts yet and she said that she had to wait until Wednesday. Payday. I told her that I want to get them MP3 players. I then asked if she wanted to split the cost of a Ripstick for D11 and she said sure. She had seen one at Wallymart for about $70. I told her that I thought they were about $100.

Then she asked how my birthday went. I told her about normal for recent birthdays. Nothing special. I told her that I kept it quiet and that I just went out with some co-workers on Thursday.

"Just another day" I told her.

I asked about the kids wish list and she said that she could call me when she gets home and could tell me whats on the list. I told her to just email it to me.

She never sent it, of course. I asked her to have the girls call me later, which they never did.

On Sunday, I called her about 1 to ask if it was ok to pick up the kids at 4 because my mom wanted to have cake and ice cream. She said that that was fine. I get there and the kids are ready, but not their bags.

Of course.

I hear that they aren't ready and ask the girls, "Your bags aren't ready?"
She looks at me and gets a little pissy, "I'll have their bags ready. You can come pick them up or I'll take 'em to you. I'm still washing."

We head to moms and have an early dinner and cake and ice cream. At the wife's, I noticed her crock pot out, so I was hoping she wasn't going to try to get us to stay for dinner. At her place, she ALMOST has the girls stuff ready. They all go into the girls bedroom to finish packing some stuff. I hear her ask if they are hungry and they say no.

Good. I never sat down at her place. She had the tree up and decorated. Found out that she just bought the decorations on Saturday night and they decorated it that night. A huge, beautiful tree. Not no Charlie Brown tree like I'm going to have to get this year. Must have been expensive, especially for someone with no money. I know trees. I've been buying real trees for the last 20 or so years.

I finally get the girls going and I just give a quick bye to her and leave.

Yesterday, I emailed to ask if I needed to pay daycare. I know she paid last week, but then again, I paid the previous 3 weeks in a row, if ya'll remember. I was being nice. As usual, at the time, I heard, "I'll pay you back".

She responded with a simple, "yes". At least it wasn't all caps this time. I responded,

"Thanks. I was pretty sure that prior to Monday, I had paid the last 3. I pay 'em today."

She sent back later,

"YOU PAID TWO. YOU THOUGHT I PAID DURING THANKSGIVING, BUT I GOT THEM TO GIVE IT TO US AS A VACATION WEEK. I PAID THE NEXT ONE. IF YOU CANT PAY, JUST LET ME KNOW. I CAN PAY IT. MAKES NO DIFFERENCE TO ME."

I didn't respond to her. I did make a calendar of the payments I made, with copies of canceled checks.

I just knew her memory would conveniently fail her. I ended up leaving the copy of the calendar but not the checks at her place. Paid daycare, picked up the girls and went home. D11 said she hadn't heard from her mom yet. At home, started cooking and she called at about 6:45. I told D7 to answer it and I head to the bathroom.

I just knew she wanted to talk to me. At my door, I could hear, "He's in the bathroom."
After a few minutes, I went into the kitchen and D7 is trying to give me the phone. I told her to wait, because I was burning my chicken. I wasn't, but I still didn't want to talk to the wife. She waited for a while and told D7 to have me call her. She never spoke to D11. I didn't call her back and we ate dinner. Later, I saw an IM from her from around 8:45.

"I got your message. I don't know how you paid 3 in a row. I pay the next two."

I didn't answer that either. I wanted to return something snarky, but decided against it.

This morning, I had the girls waiting inside for the school bus because it was pretty dang cold outside for around these parts. Turns out, the stupid bus didn't stop and the girls didn't notice it. By the time we figured it out, I went looking in our neighborhood for it, but it was gone.

I decided we were all going to have a free day today and I called in sick. We have had a blast today. Movies, popcorn, playing, making lunches, being bums together, for the most part. The wife emailed me earlier as a response to my last email from yesterday. Must have been around 10.

"Primetime has openings. I was thinking of enrolling D7. What is your input? The cost is $198 compared to $300. I trying to save money where we can. Let me know what you think. I want to ask D7 what she thinks too."

I waited until about 2 to respond.

"We need to move her to Primetime. She should be fine. I don't think she has gotten too attached to the daycare and she knows kids at the Primetime. Hopefully, we don't have to pay until January."

Now, going to work on dinner for tonight.

Like I told Beej this morning, I am determined to drop her. I'm just not sure if its because I can't stand her anymore or if I'm DBing.

I keep feeling nothing but contempt for her. Not good if I was trying to save a marriage. And Puppy's sitch sure is making me think, too. Trying to figure out if it's better to try to salvage the R or the marriage, because the marriage seems like a goner.

[kat727]

At the moment you are salvaging yourself. I think that should be a tag line for db...Save yourself and possibly your marriage along the way. I am not saying marriages can't be saved. I believe they can and I do believe you have a chance. It sounds as if you did a really good job these past few days.

I know you were going to take time off from here and sometimes it does help. I actually had this guy asking about my family while his girlfriend was in an appt. with my boss. Through all of it I end up telling him I am divorced. He asked how I did it? Did what, stay married 19 years...I loved him. No how did you get through the divorce. I said I went to a counselor but I think what really saved me was this site and my friends. He asked if I still went to C, I said no. He asked if I still came here and I said yes. There is your C he said. I would have been lost with out this site. Smart nosy guy.

kat

[karen43]

Like I told Beej this morning, I am determined to drop her. I'm just not sure if its because I can't stand her anymore or if I'm DBing.

I keep feeling nothing but contempt for her. Not good if I was trying to save a marriage. And Puppy's sitch sure is making me think, too. Trying to figure out if it's better to try to salvage the R or the marriage, because the marriage seems like a goner.

I feel like that too, but I've decided to work even harder on DBing. Not for my H for sure. For me and the kids. You know I think our WAS at some point will wake up or come out of the fog or whatever and realize what they've done. My D9 keeps saying lately: can't believe Dad's divorcing you b/c you're pretty, smart, funny, nice, etc. (yeah, I'll keep her around ) I think at some point that our WAS are going to realize that, and most of us will be over them. But I don't worry about H anymore. Know I'll be fine no matter what. Maybe I'm being foolishly optimistic, but I like to think we all are going to be great!!! Karen

[hopeful4her]

kat, I come across people, nearly on a daily basis, that mostly encourage me to keep on doing what I'm doing. Others encourage moving on. My marriage MAY, and thats a big MAY, have a chance, but I'm not going to hold my breath. I think I've been holding onto something that just isn't there anymore. On both sides.

It is very cathartic to come here and post, but it also keeps me thinking about things too much, I think.

karen, I guess you should keep those kids after all. What a sweet, sweet thing to tell you. That would have made me tear up. I think my wife will someday realize everything.

Only problem is, it's not going to be soon and pretty sure it's going to be too late, because I've decided that I'm not waiting on her anymore. I've reached my point. Never thought I'd say that, and it was such a small thing to have made me get there. That last call from OM she took in my presence.

Like your feeling, we ARE going to be good either way. Everything will work for the best for us. I just wish the kids weren't casualties.


The wife called last night. I let D11 answer it. She talked to the girls. Later in the evening, I sent her an IM. I don't thinks she was online, but I sent it anyway.

"Let me know what you want to do for Christmas. Having the kids Christmas Eve or Christmas day, so we can make plans."

No response yet, but I don't have IM at work. I do know she is off today and will be picking up D7 from school today.