Hey Ellie: I am not sure what GSG9 is...H has told me that he is scared that things will be different for a few months, and then they will go back to the same way. I am beginning to think that he uses the separation of the cell bill and the D talk to see what my reaction is going to be. H has not brought up D for a while, but he does bring up the cell bill, and I just say okay no problem, just let me know when you want to go. And then inevitable he changes the subject, and forgets about it.
I think just talking to you about this and knowing I am not crazy have made a world of difference. The other thing is that I have discovered I am no longer ashamed or fearful of my feelings for my H. I love him. Period. Even with all the craziness, I still love him, and will until God takes me from this earth.
My D12 actually does well, but she misses him. I did not realize that until I saw the mass amounts of pictures of him she has collected (part of me wants to tell him that, but it would make him feel bad, and I don't want that either). She has a Christmas fair at school this week, and has decided she is buying gifts for Mom, Dad, D23, D22, and H (who is her SF). Here is where my next question comes in. Since it is her gift to him, should I let her contact him, or should I do it? I don't want him to feel manipulated in any way, and I know that he will come and get the gift. But I am not sure that if because the gift is from her, she should invite him?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
