Alex, that is something I struggle with everyday. Like you I have been M long term 21 years, and this is all so shocking still. Also it is so bad for our kids.
I have been trying but some days it is so discouraging and I think my H will never come out of the fog and return to the M. Could I still love H? Right now yes but there are no guarantees down the line. I see on this board that some WAS want to return and at that point the LBS are no longer interested.
You are right about the amnesia, my H cannot remember any of the good of our M only the bad. If I say one thing out of turn my H will say "see how you are -- it is all about you and you are controlling" which undermines everything we are trying to build up with Dbing. The OW my H is with has had a strong influence on my H and it is tough because we all work for the same Co. I think after the New Year my H is going to ask for a D. I am really sad that it will come to that.
I did see some Attys here because I do not want to be blindsided. I told both that I do not want this and I do still want my M. Both said I had a strong case for Fault D -adultery and said I should get PI. How did we get here?
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
