How to know when to let go PT2????

[Amy M]

Kristi!!!! The party will be so much fun...just getting to dress up a little and go out without the kids. If there aren't a slew of single men that might even be better! The single ones aren't safe for you right now!!!

The anger...wow! That one's tough. I prayed and prayed and still pray about mine. I had an incident this week that brought all the anger back for a little bit. But, the best news was that I got over that pretty quickly and back to my good place.

What I try to recognize about my H is that he really is not thinking straight. Dealing with him is like dealing with the kids now...they don't think rationally like I (at least I hope) do. He doesn't think rationally either anymore. I can't stay mad at the kids long because I recognize their limitations. While I can't explain my H's limitations (there's no reason he should have them), if I recognize he has them, it's easier not to be so angry.

For the longest time (and even this week), I kept expecting him to behave like I thought he should...like a reasonable adult male, a father, a husband. And, when he didn't, I'd be infuriated. You do get to a time when you stop expecting that. Then you are not disappointed so easily.

My H did what you describe yours doing. In August of 2006 he came home one day from fishing with friends and was mad at me. I didn't know why. When I pushed, he said we were just too different and that made things hard. I don't know what prompted that, but I spent some time making a list of all the things we had in common and all of our "complimentary" differences. I even did list big differences so he would see I was being open-minded. He read the lists, said I was right, and put them away. Two months later he slept with OW for the 1st time. Throughout the past 2 years, he's always come back to that...the idea that we are too different. He says he tried to work on the M in his own way. I'm not sure that sleeping with OW was the best way to go about working on our M, but I honestly do now believe that he's convinced himself that he tried.

I guess I told you that story just to remind you that they all say the same things, and we shouldn't be believing any of what they say. I mean...how adsurd that my H would claim to have been working on our M while he was sleeping with another woman. You need to untie your emotions from his words and actions. You can do that...you just have to decide to.

You sound better...I'm glad you checked in!!! I hope you have a great time at the party and a wonderful weekend all around.

BTW, if you just looking for something fun to read, I recommend Janet Evanovich! I literally laugh out loud at her books...they can be a little "off-color" so consider yourself warned!

Hugs to you!
Amy