BUT I did ring him but this time it great. I was upbeat. I could hear him relax and he shared info and enquired after me.
I dont care what he thought about me calling, it made me feel good. It made me feel more in charge because I felt I was being genuine and not game playing.
H is having am operation on monday and although i did not offer help I did wish him well.
I have no reason to contact now until we pick our daughter up from airport on Wednesday. She is on holiday with H sister in the pacific islands.
I believe I Db by talking from a place that now feels for a large part - that he is gone. I know my tone has changed and I was talking as I would of years ago. Just felt good.
