Tell him you'll take care of it, but then don't take care of it. And don't answer when he tries to get you to take care of it. It will send HIM spinning and you won't be reacting anymore!!!
I just had to politely call him back and tell him that yeah, we have to go down to Comcast. Now he doesn't want to go tomorrow [avoiding me, probably f***ing his slut]. We'll go sometime next week - whenever is good for me.
I've be nothing but friendly and light on the phone. He's the one that sounds like an uncomofrtable idiot.
He's just using "Comcast" to push your buttons. Don't let him. Does all of this need to be done right now?
I tried getting my W to do certain financial things for MONTHS and she would stall, drag her feet, forget, etc.......ALL TO PUSH MY BUTTONS.. and I let her.
Once I took back some control, I felt a lot better about myself, and I lost a lot of the anger I had.
I'm going to keep repeating my message and I understand you may not be able to hear it right now but please LISTEN!
The time that I became stress free in my sitch was when I seized control over everything that directly affected me. At that point I was immune to the drama and could actually live peaceably.
Hey, everyone! Well, the plot thickened. He called me at lunch. I didn't pick up.
He then texted me: ---"Can I please pick up some things?"
Well, I had to call him back because text wasn't working on my stupid phone and I had to talk to him because I had to make sure my mom left the house before he got there. The last thing I want is a run-in with my mom.
So I called. I told him my mom was leaving and it was fine. He said he was sorry for being such a pain and that he'd stop bugging me. He said he just needed to stop by and get his other wallet.
Someone explain to me why the f*** his other wallet can't wait until Sunday?
Ok, so I accept he's pushing my buttons. I have no idea WHY, but I accept it. Probably just because he's a prick.
So I need to pull back. OK. Fine. My friends are suggesting that I tell him to make sure he gets all of his stuff on Sunday, to go through the list of stuff to be done beforehand with him, and to not be there on Sunday.
I don't know. Maybe I should be there to make sure he doesn't take any of my s***. Haven't decided yet.
Everyone keeps telling me that I need to let him see me angry. That I need to make him feel like s***. I think I probably just need to avoid him and let him think I don't care.
I don't know how to take back control. If I take control and get stuff done, then we'll be done (maybe not such a bad thing, but whatever). If I take control and do more of the same, then it's more of the same (not sure I care at this point). If I keep getting nagged by him, I am gonna lose my cool.
MC, I guess you're right. I need to not answer. I need to drag my feet and do s*** when I feel like it. You asked if all of this needs to get done right now. In a way, it does just because the bills have to get switched to my name so that he can set up his account. I know I shouldn't care, but if he wanted to be a jerk he could shut off the cable and the water. And since I don't want things to get ugly to protect myself (he could try to get alimony, for example, since I make significantly more money), I'm try not to go there.
Hey, everyone! Well, the plot thickened. He called me at lunch. I didn't pick up.
He then texted me: ---"Can I please pick up some things?"
Well, I had to call him back because text wasn't working on my stupid phone and I had to talk to him because I had to make sure my mom left the house before he got there. The last thing I want is a run-in with my mom.
So I called. I told him my mom was leaving and it was fine. He said he was sorry for being such a pain and that he'd stop bugging me. He said he just needed to stop by and get his other wallet.
Someone explain to me why the f*** his other wallet can't wait until Sunday?
Ok, so I accept he's pushing my buttons. I have no idea WHY, but I accept it. Probably just because he's a prick.
So I need to pull back. OK. Fine. My friends are suggesting that I tell him to make sure he gets all of his stuff on Sunday, to go through the list of stuff to be done beforehand with him, and to not be there on Sunday.
I don't know. Maybe I should be there to make sure he doesn't take any of my s***. Haven't decided yet.
Everyone keeps telling me that I need to let him see me angry. That I need to make him feel like s***. I think I probably just need to avoid him and let him think I don't care.
I don't know how to take back control. If I take control and get stuff done, then we'll be done (maybe not such a bad thing, but whatever). If I take control and do more of the same, then it's more of the same (not sure I care at this point). If I keep getting nagged by him, I am gonna lose my cool.
MC, I guess you're right. I need to not answer. I need to drag my feet and do s*** when I feel like it. You asked if all of this needs to get done right now. In a way, it does just because the bills have to get switched to my name so that he can set up his account. I know I shouldn't care, but if he wanted to be a jerk he could shut off the cable and the water. And since I don't want things to get ugly to protect myself (he could try to get alimony, for example, since I make significantly more money), I'm try not to go there.
I need a drink....
~Nas
Nas -
He used the "wallet" to get you on the rope again. DON'T ANSWER HIM (right away). Make him wait. Text or call back LATER. Don't speed up or increase the D or drama!
He's pushing your buttons, not because he is a prick, but because he wants you to stay on his rope. Drop the rope... It is not going to instantly turn around, but you will speed up your process!
My W could have taken me to court to get temp child support /atty fees , but for some reason she waited until now. I think it is because they aren't really even thinking about the D process or finances... they are just living the "good life" with OP. If you drop the rope and he feels that he doesn't have you to fall back on, he will realize what the OP is really like.
Don't listen to your friends. Have they read DB or DR? Listen to your friends here at db.com.
I have been where you are right now. I think from this point forward you should use at least the 24 hour rule. He will call, not text if it is an emergency.
Your gut will lead you in the wrong direction. You are a smart person and you think acting rationally will help, but you need to DB!!
Hope you followed all that. You need to take back control. You run the show. Trust me, you do.
So, I think some part of me is accepting that he's cheating on me. I honestly have not let it sink in until now.
He is cheating on me.
He is with another woman.
He is putting another woman before me.
He is leaving because he wants to be with another woman.
He is thrilled by this other woman for a million reasons.
Right now, I cannot compete with that. I have to accept it and let it die. The man that I knew - my friend, my "good guy" - is dead. If he ever existed, he has exited stage left.
I am no longer dealing with the man I knew for 11 years. I am dealing with a stranger that is living in his body.
I care about the man I knew. I do not care about this stranger.
He is no one to me.
Right now, I feel as though he doesn't even exist. I cannot allow him to continue to hurt me. I am not some weak person that things happen to. I am better than that.
Folks, right now I want the D. I can't believe that I ever thought I could live with something like this.
The thought of even being in the same space as him makes me sick. I can't believe that I hugged him, kissed him, f***ed him. I can't believe that I've tried to reason with him.
Who cares? Let him go have a s*** pathetic life. Let him go throw it all away because he lacks wisdom and good common sense. Let him try to feel like a big man because he's never been bigger than me.
And he can't be. A real man would never have had to run to a less successful, weaker woman to feel like a man.
Let him look at my life and wish he could have lived it with me.
Hey, MC! Ok, I'm trying so hard to listen to you. Here's what I'm getting:
1. Don't speed up the D. Do things at my own pace.
2. Do not pick up the phone, text, or email back. Wait 24 hours to respond.
3.Drop the rope - until I get there, act AS IF. I seriously I am having a hard time thinking how to do this, but ok. Friendly but not a friend. Unavailable. Mysterious. Work on me. Stop thinking about him. Stop engaging him in convo.
Ok, I hear you. I'm going to repeat that stuff to myself until my eyeballs fall out.
