WIT - Thank you for the support. You convey emotion through email just fine.
I am very likely over-analyzing what H told me. I think I wrote it in an earlier post, that until someone else suggested it, it never even occurred to me that H might avoid me because he does not want me to see him in his current state. My starting point is always negative - H just does not want to see me. I think it is highly unlikely that he is even capable of having much fun in his current state.
I cannot argue one way or the other about whether I would be bothered less if I had more of my own social plans, because I just do not know. I know the consensus from those with more social activity is that it would make me feel better, so I really cannot dispute that, not really having tried. Part of the problem I have in motivating myself is that I really am a bad "joiner." I am a loner and it is really hard for me to get myself out there.
I do know this, I am always put into a tailspin when H travels. It really makes me feel like things are over. It shows me how easily he can pick up and go. When he adds fun activities into the mix, I really feel left behind.
As for the being friends, I hear you. I guess I do not feel like H and I are even to the friends stage yet. I do not know what we are, but it does not feel like friendship. You are right, mine would not tell me about having fun to hurt me. Also, the only signs I have given him have been that my life is going just fine and I am enjoying myself. So what is he supposed to say?
And thank you for taking the time out to help me when you are having your own issue today. I am glad you will have a friend to keep you company. My mom is in town now so, I will have her with me tonight. I also have a coaching session tonight. I am looking forward to that.
Something else that nags and naws at me is the thought/fear that H is going to NY with someone. I will not rehash everything here, suffice to say I seriously doubt there is OW. It's just there is no way to know for sure so, I read that he is off to NY for fun and that gets translated in my mind to off to NY for fling.
I think I need to take what you all are telling me into consideration, talk with my coach and then do some soul-searching to figure out what is best for me.
I am usually better at pulling myself out of the pit. Today is really rough for some reason.
