Chapter 28 - Emergencies and winnings

[Toomanywords]

Thanks Frosty. I'm lucky to have loyal friends who love me, support me and want the best for me. Friends and family who would fight for me.

For one of the first times I can't find words to say. I'm THAT hurt. Even in my divorce I always had words, too many words in fact - thus my user name. But now, with him saying this... let's just say it will probably be put in some hole of my heart where my XH's words about not seeing me as mother of his children are.
And I know that I'll get to a place where I can talk about him saying this without getting choked up - that time just isn't now.

But sooner rather than later it has to be brought up somehow. I don't want him to feel betrayed by his friend, but I don't even think his friend cares.
Thing is, I knew something was up - I knew something was said on their shopping trip that triggered something. Because his friend has had a different attitude towards BF and because he mentioned something about BF being selfish or something to that effect. I figured it was because BF bought himself something or didn't want to spend X amount of dollars. But now I know. I understand all too clearly...because somehow even though I've cooked,cleaned, laughed, cried, advised, gone for broke for BF he thinks I don't deserve a ring.
He doesn't deserve me, he doesn't deserve the THOUGHT of putting a ring on my finger.

I'm fighting the revenge urge that is running through me, trying to find someway to hurt him just as deeply. But I know I won't. I can't do that do someone.
For now, I'll just ignore him as much as possible until I can formulate an educated, civilized way to talk to him, if there is any. And in the mean time I have to put on an act so that no one around me knows anything is wrong.

Anyways - focusing on good instead of bad, I am spending time seeing my nephew this weekend!!! Saturday and Sunday