Sounds to me to be just deflection. I could be wrong, but all I have are your posts recapping the times she's brought this issue up, and they've all struck me as deflectin/blame-shifting to me.
As (I think you) stated earlier, i think you need to set up formal daily and weekly schedules, to take this "logistics/communication" issue off the table, once and for all.
I also don't think there's anything wrong with being honest, and saying something like "Look, I know this was -- and is -- important to you, and I've admitted that I've not always been good at it. I get that, and I think I understand what you need now in that regard -- it's an important emotional need of yours. However, you need to understand that considering what's going on with you right now, I'm not particularly motivated to be meeting your emotional needs right now. I don't mean for that to sound mean, but it's just the truth and it's probably what you're referring to."
Puppy, didn't get your last msg before I sent one - sorry for not waiting.
Here is what I sent:
Sorry for the delayed response. W, I do understand your feelings on that. I get it - your frustration in feeling I have not been giving you what you needed / wanted re: communication. I own what I may / may not have done to get us to where we are. That is the past and can't be changed - so then isn't the question how to deal with it going forward? Thoughts?
Her response: I'm not sure what ur wanting.
Oh boy - talk about open ended... One response is "tell me what u need from me so I can determine whether I am capable of that". Another - "stop the destrctive behavior and help our family heal.". Need some thought here. While I am doing that, any advice appreciated.
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
in my opinion, any meaningful response at this point would be seen as pursuing. I'm basing this on my read that this is NOT a meaningful opening for you (I'd tell you if I thought it was), and rather just more deflection from her. She always seems to bring up the "communication" issue when she's pissed at you, and not as any sort of meaningful R/M talk.
Just my opinion, but I'm not getting the "trigger" from this latest from her that you are, obviously.
I hear you. Not getting a real trigger - just seems to be whenever she starts a conv in person, she goes off the deep end. In text, more clarity and lack of emotion so maybe there is something to at least respond to.
I do need to respond. How about the KISS principle.
"W, we can start by letting each other know what is happening and not using the k's as go betweens. I believe this is something we can both improve on."
??
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
Me: Hope u two had a safe trip. Re your last text, why don't we start by letting each other know what is happening i/o using the kids as go betweens. I believe this is something we can both improve on.
W:I have never had a problem w/ communicating. Its the fact that I always have to initiate it that has been the problem. That needs 2 change.
And so it continues. Maybe helps that we are 90 miles apart - this is the longest sane conversation we have had in a while.
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
I would reply "I agree that I can do better with this, and that WILL change." Admits to your end, validates, holds yourself accountable, but doesn't let her off the hook.
