WIT - Wow! You are lightyears ahead of me, entertaining in your home, couples who know you and your H, I am impressed. I am still trying to force myself out into the world to actually meet people.
As for the legal training, I agree that it makes solution-oriented thinking easier. I have not had it affect my emotional capacity. If anything, I have always been over-emotional. That has been a big 180 for me, having to react calmly in the face of H saying he no longer loves me and does not want to reconcile. I have done it and it helps me feel better.
Tawnya - Thanks for checking in on me. I have a riding lesson on Sunday.
Journaling
Just took a scary step for me. My DB coach (last session) told me to reach out to H for practical things. I thought of his garden and she said that was the idea. She said send an email, make it humorous and tellhim you need advice for the garden. But leave it open so he could invite himself to help. So, I wrote this morning saying that I plan to winterize his garden this weekend and any advice or input would be appreciated. As I was typing this, he replied.
Apparently, he has to work in NY early next week so he is traveling there this weekend to see some shows first and have some fun. Wants to "reach out to me next week" whatever that means. So, I will do my best with the garden this weekend. I will not change my plans or wait for him. If and when he reaches out, I will simply reply that I have done my best and that as I said in my email, I was planning to do the work this weekend.
I am angry, sad and worried all at the same time. Right now, mostly angry that I am worried and sad and he is off to NY for fun. Clearly not detached enough because man does this hurt.
My mom is in town now, so I will not be alone until after the holidays. I am grateful for that.
Nothing I am doing is working. Of course, it is making me stronger and that is great, it really is, I just really wanted these techniques to work on H and they are not. I do not know how to let him go, but I am going to have to figure it out because I do not think he is ever coming back. Hell, I don't think he is even looking back. To him, it seems, I am not much more than someone he sends money once a month. Guess that means I am like any other creditor of his. Wow, that feels good.
