Hi Jeff! Dave just poppped out, he's in court this morning on a sheep worrying rap..
Ahhh...bless you Jeff, do you? Well, at least I managed to attract SOMEONE my age (my big beef)! Even if he is M and needs 2 years of therapy, LOL. Is that good then, rope loosening?? The one holding me?
Was tidying my guitar and remembered those fragile, infant, hopeful young days....February 17th:
Originally Posted By: AliSuddenly
he called near lunch sounding very happy to get me and nonchantly said, I was thinking of coming to see you...I said, oh, ok, he said, is that alright? I was, sure, when ? He said..in 10 MINUTES ! So he was actually already driving over to see me when he called...he was here for 4 1/2 hours. He talked for ages about work, I DID get to play him the Radiohead song on guitar and he was amazed! And then he wanted to learn it so I showed him, then went off and did something and left him to practice for a bit...and it worked!!! I wanted to give it to him sort of as "homework", somehing I knew he would love, something else to focus on, he loves that song and he would be so chuffed with himself if he learns it and I knew he would be able to, it would give his esteem a boost and so I told him, I bet you could master this, you're much better at changing chords than me...and I could see his little face looked like he was going to go home and try.. :-) !!!! I am an evil genius, its official. And he was very impressed that I had learnt it and if he does, he will have me in the back of his mind. Anyway, he suggested we went out for lunch, I changed into a skirt (a hot 180 outfit!!!) and we walked by the sea then he suggested we went to a maritime museum and well, we had a lovely time !!!!
Rope loosening is good. In this case you need to let go of the rope that's been holding you, I think.
Sad? Maybe. But when I read it it helps me to see that the problem isn't with you. So, maybe that is sad. You have a lot of great things going for you. But you know what? I think a little time really taking care of yourself would be a really, really, really, good thing.
I remember the original posting of that excerpt you shared above here. I don't think there is anything sad about you in this--you really gave it everything you had, I think that's what is shows.
I'm sorry to hear that BMF (? former BMF?) went about things the way he did. In fact, I feel pretty ticked off that he would put you in that kind of a position. It sounds quite insane that he would go there with you, and I think it is very selfish on his part. He knows you are vulnerable (not nec with him but in general) and he is only thinking of his own needs here. The fact that this gets covered up in nice guy wrapping paper doesn't make these boundary issues any less salient.
There are all these ropes around to pick up and drop and let go and loosen! What to do! Look, the posters here are right on in terms of identifying that this stuff is really so much about BF--you're the one who really put such effort into the DBng and have been there for him so far and above what most people would do. You've been there because of your love for him. But he's got a lot of stuff going on, and right now I think until that gets cleared up a bit for him, a little space might be an okay--even helpful--thing.
I hear in your words the mixed feelings towards him, and that you still love him and miss him very much. I know. It is really a hard thing to go through this grieving and connecting and disconnecting. Please don't be too hard on yourself, Ali. I feel really proud of you for the kind of courage and perseverance and heart that you've had fighting and pushing through all of this really difficult and heart breaking stuff in the last year.
Hey guys.. my men! Ha. Yes, not impressed with BMF. My Dad summed it up (he is not impressed either).. its like he is taking advantage of you, he knows you are all hurt and vunerable and he was being a bit selfish really. Good job I have good morals!
Anyway, Cher said today her BF cancelled on her tonight as he is meeting my ex. Bet he wants to talk to him...I said to her, I hope he is ok, he seemed depressed, but that was 3 weeks ago... she replied that she would know more tommorow, thats if her BF keeps her in the loop.
Tommorow is a grand cross, Uranus is exact on my Sun at 19' Pisces, squared to a Full Moon and opposite Saturn. Thats not pretty! If she does tell me anything, I dont expect it to be good news!
I may email him tommorow.. I wanted to let him know our mortgages have gone down. I suppose I am very sad that we seem to be out of contact/losing contact, I dont know. I take heart from Lisa.. as you had NC for like 8 weeks? And now look at you two! We'll see. Christmas is fast approaching though...
...so Cher went to band night last night, then she emailed me first thing to say...
G and *ex* came as well. Didnt talk alot to *ex* but he seemed ok, i did question why we havent seen much of him and he said he was just being a bit crap at the moment but he will try to be better!
...hmm. So, no change. She wasnt there. Interesting his answer, as he is depressed, I know he is, yet he just says that he is being "crap"... She also said she would know more tonight when she sees her bf.. bless her, sounds like she is going to ask him for me ! (I havent asked her to!). Perhaps she just likes gossip!
Feel real sad. Its nearly christmas, we're not much in touch, or, maybe not in touch at all! And I missed a chance to see him last night. Its been a long year of high hopes and not much to show for it...
Feel real sad. Its nearly christmas, we're not much in touch, or, maybe not in touch at all! And I missed a chance to see him last night. Its been a long year of high hopes and not much to show for it...
I know sweets (I got "sweets" from Lissie), I feel the same way sometimes. All this work and effort and high hopes, anticipation, tears and stress for...? Nothing!! Well, that's the down way to look at this. I am sure somebody will chimme in to tell us to look at all the growth we managed... Still, it sucks to be in this sitch after so long time. I so want my fairy tale ending!! Where is it? xxx K
Same here Kalni..! and thanks. We DESERVE a happy ending hey?
Its so wierd.. theres a lot of pisceans going through it... Its wierd that a piscean fell for me, but I dont want him! He's M. So HE is not going to get a fairy tale ending (IF he was hoping to be with me). This sounds extreme.. but from comments he made to me and about an ex (his true love, before his W).. I can tell he fell for me big time, it just took me ages to realise. I dont think he is in love with his W, not right now anyway. I think he is doing that 2 fishes in opposite directions thing (me and her).
Anyway.. I dont want him, I want my ex to love me, and he doesnt! I dont thikn he loves Helen either. When we were together, we couldnt bear to be apart...not for years. I would cry if I didnt get to spend the night with him. I dont thikn it is true love with her. He's not happy, but, maybe, happy WITH her.
I dont know how your H can stay away, night after night. Thats not my experience of true love!!
I'm a hopeless romantic. If I end up with a nice man, I am going to love him like I've never loved before.. and yes with the benefit of all of the good things I have learnt this year about how NOT to do things. Like my BFF said.. you have to take the UPMOST care in relationships right from the outset.. sometimes too much damage can be done to turn back.
I'm a hopeless romantic. If I end up with a nice man, I am going to love him like I've never loved before.. and yes with the benefit of all of the good things I have learnt this year about how NOT to do things.xxx
Yeah..., and it will feel soooo good. Why cant you get excited about this instead of getting frustrated about "that"? Imagine all the nights of ML, holding hands, walking on the beach, laughing, being tender and caring, receiving appreciation, being admired, desired, wanted... K
