It's Complicated!

[Molly44]

lucky girl - lunch date and money. Ohhhhhh to be in your position.

from my position , it is very positive.

[glamgirl]

Well not so good yesterday.

H came over around 1pm to be there after school to help with s7 and then picked up d4 afterschool.

When I got home from work h said that he was out of sorts. Meaning not on an even kilter. He suggested that maybe he wanted to get off the AD's. I said h we should go to another Dr at the first of the year and see what should happen.

Then he went on to say how he was really taking this bad about his coworker getting an action plan. Now this really didn't sit well for me, since he talked recently about only working within his inner circle.

The reason it bothered me was I lost 2 jobs in the past year and h had NO compassion for me. The last one I lost on a Thur and I immediately called h and he didn't return my call until Sun evening.

His words were get over it, find another job, don't dwell on it, you are spending too much time on it. There was NO compassion.

Then soon after that I lost our dog. Had to put him to sleep. I called h, he never called me and then when I finally see him he says Glam it's only a dog. Only a dog. My dog was my beloved friend for 13 years.

Now he is showing such great compassion for a man he hardly knows. I don't get it. It's as if he can have NO compassion for me. It's like he is so cold and hard towards me.

Then h is helping with the kids laundry, but his help is put them in the washer and then the dryer and pile them in our room and yes then I need to fold and put away after a long day at work.

Well then h opened up a can of worms. He says Glam how many h's do you know that clean and do laundry. I was honest and said h but my friends have h's that live in the home and sleep with their w's. I know probably not good of me, but it't the truth.

I then said h I would rather have an h that was sleeping in my bed and committed to the m by living in the home than one that can push a broom or do some laundry.

Well h got all huffy and left soon after without a hug or a kiss goodbye. He just said I am leaving. By the time I started down the stairs, he was already out the door.

H never bothered asking me what I would like in a h. Seriously does he really think I would care about laundry and cleaning rather than dedication, committment, honesty, and integrity. Who is he trying to fool.

He walks around like he is so much better than all my friends h's. Does he really believe that?

He is suppose to be here today around 2pm to help with the kids. I hope all goes well.

I am just feeling a bit confused and sad. I don't see my h having any compassion for me, but shows so much more for others he hardly knows.

Thoughts?

[glamgirl]

My h does have good qualities. I can seem them, but I think he is a bit confused on what I would like for a h.

It seems he is rating laundry and cleaning as a top notch attracter, when they are really at the bottom of my list in qualities that I admire in a mate.

It goes back to him scratching his head awhile back about how he could be a good h. When once again he never bothered to ask what I would like for a good h.

The qualities I rate top notch, not so sure my h understands the importance of honesty, integity, charachter, morals, values in a R.

Make sense?

[glamgirl]

I don't understand h's comparison to my friend's h's. I don't see the comparison. They are not even in the same league.

My friends have h's that are home that haven't moved out how could he even think that there is a comparison. I don't get it.

Any inside into h's thoughts?

[glamgirl]

Ok so I had to be the rescuer today again for h. I am just feeling so stressed.

H sends me an e-mail not even a call and says I can't get s7 afterschool. I said back I have a meeting and can't get him either.

I tried getting the neighbor girl, s20 is working. So yep you guessed it I had to go home. Luckily my boss let me take the call from my home. It was a 2 hour call. Oh my.

I am sure my h didn't have much of a choice, but boy it seems I have been doing a lot of bailing out h lately.

Now just waiting for s20 to help out so I can go back to work.

[glamgirl]

Well the kids are home and h just texted and said still in a meeting and then going on a business dinner. I will just go back to work and call it a day.

I am going to ask h to play parent with the kids tomorrow and see if I have better luck.

What a day. Tomorrow I am off and I am going to need to relax and have some Glam time.

[Molly44]

My H is also distant and uninvolvd. Drives me crazy. But it is not the real him, I have never ever seen this side of him and he is only like it with me. He is just great with everyone else.

So he is not genuine. Time an dpatience and dont problem solve for them. Dont get involved. Set boundries.

Man wish I could take my own advice , jokes - i am getting there !

Wish my customers would stop coming in !

[glamgirl]

I did not hear from h today other than a few texts earlier in the day. I did send him an e-mail asking for his help on Fri with the kids. We will see.

I do believe that these convos, would best be handled via phone. This is what angers me. My h could not find one free moment to call and say Glam I can't help with the kids, this is what is going on today. All by text. That's just great.

I wonder if this is his way of getting back at me for my comments yesterday or he could just be that busy. It all boils down to what's h's prioritys in his life.

If he really wanted to call and it was important to him, he would have found the time today.

[Molly44]

Why do you seek help from him? Give him his days for kids or organise someone else.

You are like me, everytime ( which is most times )you get disappointed you are set back and he always seems to have final say. Show him you dont need him. Mind you that is what I have done and I have not had text, call or email. I get stronger as silence goes on. i have the kids, I have the house, i have the christmas. I could not live like him!

[plentyhope]

Glam,

I think your H is avoiding talking because he's trying to avoid conflict. I think he's doing this out of goodwill. He probably thinks that texting is the best way to keep things from escalating.

Also, regarding the laundry, he just doesn't understand the way we women think or see things. The difference between men and women as described in "Love & Respect". I know I keep bringing this up. It's because I truly see what a lot of sense the principles (taught in this book) makes.