I don't want to be married to this jackass anymore. I am so tired of being lonely. Honest to God at least when I was talking to OM it made it easier to tolerate being at home. Now I just have nothing. But I'm not going to contact him no matter what. I'll just post and cry here I guess.
I'm reading all this ADHD stuff and feeling kind of sad and overwhelmed about everything and thinking about how hard it is going to be to change...
Anyway, he went to bed and I came in and realized that I still had to wash my kid's school pants. And I started crying some. He did manage to ask if I was okay. And if he thought my medicine was giving me problems.
So I crawled in bed and was crying and said I was feeling overwhelmed...and that I felt like he didn't even believe me that I had a problem...
H: I never said that.
Silence.....silence....
ME: Will you hold me? H:...I'm over here...(lifts the covers so I can come over there..barely puts his arm around me. I'm still quietly weeping but trying not to SCREAM because he's so...blah.) ME: I need some love. H: rubs my arm a little with the hand that's around me. ME: Do you love me? H: Yeah, I love you. silence...
I go back to my side of the bed. He ignores me. I leave.
I am posting this to vent...and I am very upset. Please no posts on how I have to "show him how." That's like saying you have to show the paramedics how to resuscitate you. I know you're having a heart attack, but can you take the time to show me how to do CPR?
