Break, my 2 cents...he may have been trying to give you a compliment and could not communicate it properly. Read this as him saying, "I think you are OK around me so why would you need these meds." It may also scare him to think that something may be wrong with you.
I may have completely missed it, but it seems like he has a hard time communicating his real meaning.
He does have a hard time communicating...with a lot of people apparently.
Thanks for your thoughts, but I don't think it was a compliment. BUT, I do think it does scare him if anything could be wrong with me. I think it scares him in the sense that I am supposed to be the rock. And since he's sick now, he feels even more that way.
He struggles SO MUCH with empathy. Yet I know he's not devoid. I once hurt my back pretty severely and there wasn't anything he wouldn't do for me. He was SO awesome during that period. I was stunned really, because he was so unavailable when I was sick or needed him in the past. But you know, he's had back problems. So when he "gets it" then somehow he can find it in him to be caring.
That was a good story to remember. I have to find a way for him to "get it." Somehow relating it to him. DAM guy.
Trying to understand one another goes both ways. It would also be thoughtful and compassionate if her H could try to learn to think about break's feelings and what she would like to do. Rather than giving his opinion, he could try, "What can I do to help?" or "I'd like to learn more about ADHD. Where's a good place to start?"....or something along those lines to show he cares.
By saying he doesn't think she has ADHD, he's completely disregarding what she is going through and feeling. That's not very supportive of a spouse.
JMO.
(((breakaway)))
That's a foreign language to him. You'd think they'd learn by the EXAMPLE we give as spouses, but they don't see our care of them as applying to them and how they should care for us. He wasn't given an example by his parents. When his mom came home from the hospital with the new baby, the first thing his dad said is what are you fixing for lunch?
But I'm going to extend myself a little and think if I can explain it some way that gets through...maybe he will be a little more compassionate. It's hard to do this work when if he would BE a little more compassionate I could do this work!!! AAAHHH!
He is trying. If this had been my W and I, I would've loved her to engage me in a convo about how to love me. Granted ours would've drifted into some sexual needs talk, but I just wanted to know I was good enough in my W's eyes.
Well, a convo about how to love ME would be nice.
Yep....I'd love for h to ask me this too. Or even listen and then try to actively do something that I had asked instead of sh1t stirring me about it. I swear, the man must feel threatened by any form of intimacy that might open him up to rejection.
** Purple
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe
I don't want to be married to this jackass anymore. I am so tired of being lonely. Honest to God at least when I was talking to OM it made it easier to tolerate being at home. Now I just have nothing. But I'm not going to contact him no matter what. I'll just post and cry here I guess.
I'm reading all this ADHD stuff and feeling kind of sad and overwhelmed about everything and thinking about how hard it is going to be to change...
Anyway, he went to bed and I came in and realized that I still had to wash my kid's school pants. And I started crying some. He did manage to ask if I was okay. And if he thought my medicine was giving me problems.
So I crawled in bed and was crying and said I was feeling overwhelmed...and that I felt like he didn't even believe me that I had a problem...
H: I never said that.
Silence.....silence....
ME: Will you hold me? H:...I'm over here...(lifts the covers so I can come over there..barely puts his arm around me. I'm still quietly weeping but trying not to SCREAM because he's so...blah.) ME: I need some love. H: rubs my arm a little with the hand that's around me. ME: Do you love me? H: Yeah, I love you. silence...
I go back to my side of the bed. He ignores me. I leave.
I am posting this to vent...and I am very upset. Please no posts on how I have to "show him how." That's like saying you have to show the paramedics how to resuscitate you. I know you're having a heart attack, but can you take the time to show me how to do CPR?
I'm so sorry sweetie. I think if I was in your shoes, I'd feel extremely lonely & overwhelmed. A new diagnosis for you, new meds, with all the residual effects that has til the dosage is worked out, a H with a serious illness....... It's a huge load to carry.
Then add to that how humiliating it is to have to ask someone to show you affection, & when you get the courage to ask, they treat it like it's such a f*cking effort.
You deserve soooooooo much more.
Hugs
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
p.s. Doc would say....in the long run, it really doesn't matter what your H thinks. You validate your own reality.
Hugs
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
break, you are the best. We are all here for you. I wish my W would show any affection. It is tough to keep hanging in there. You will be in my prayers.
